Disarray
by beautifully8broken
Summary: SEQUEL TO DISINTEGRATION: Emily moved away and stayed with her Aunt for three years. After sorting herself out she decides to go back to Bristol 'To right a few wrongs' only to find that things won't be the same again, and Naomi has found somebody new.
1. Chapter 1

Disarray – Sequel to Disintegration

I have only myself to blame, but it doesn't make any of these things easier. I've been back, what? A month, if that, and I've already ruined everything, my sister hates me, my old friends won't speak to me, and she... well right now I have a red hand print across my face and I'm stood shattered as I watch her chase after somebody who I've also just lost.

Why do I keep doing this? Why does everything have to be one huge pile of drama? I couldn't leave well enough alone, I had to come back to Bristol, I had to try and make things right, but when I got back I finally realised that the mistake I made three years earlier will never be rectified, I will never get back what I threw away, and I will be forever doomed to be alone.

But as I've said, I've only myself to blame.

I suppose you are all wondering the reasons as to why I have suddenly decided to come back after three years, you are probably wanting the reasons as to why I left so willingly in the first place, and they'll come. Soon.

****

Chapter One

"Why are you going back?" Carol, my counsellor, asks. Yes, I have a counsellor now. I'm a changed woman! It was actually my Aunt Sal's idea... thank god for her...

"I think I need to..." I start. "I'm finally at a place in my life where I feel like, myself. I've grown so much over the last three years being here that I think it's time I went back home, I can handle it, I'm stronger than ever"

"Is it because of Naomi?" Yeah, I told her everything, apparently I had to...

"Partly, I kept to my word, I haven't contacted her since I left... I miss her so much, still, even after all these years, surely that's a good thing"

"To you, maybe, but her..."

"I know..." I sigh, "I'm not going back expecting to be greeted with open arms, not at all, I know what I did, I understand why I did it and I've felt regret ever since I left that bathroom cubicle, and not just because I was caught in the act"

"Good"

"But I need to see her. I need to see what kind of person she's become. I can handle not having her, just about" I chuckle, "I understand that she hates me... but I just need to see her, even if it's from afar"

"Where are you going to stay?"

"Well Jimmy's got a place down in Bristol, I can't go home, that's for sure... So I'll probably stay with him" Oh, Jimmy is a guy I met at college up here, he's originally from London, his folks moved up here for a couple of years and then back down to Bristol.

"Have you asked?"

"Yeah, he's got his own apartment, he's happy with it all" I smile.

"That's good" She smiles. "You know, I'm going to miss our sessions"

"I bet you say that to everyone" I laugh,

"No, I mean it... you've come a really long way since I first met you Emily, I'm really proud of you" I grit my teeth nervously, "I know you'll do fine"

"I hope so"

"I know so" She stands up, holding her hand out, "If and when you come back up here you'll have to pop in and see me, let me know how everything is going"

"I sure will" I smile widely, grabbing her hand and shaking firmly, "Thanks, for everything"

"Anytime"

I leave, feeling a little morose, I never thought I'd get settled here.

My Aunt Sal has taught me some very valuable lessons. I took a lot for granted back in Bristol, a hell of a lot. I wouldn't say that I was spoiled by my parents... definitely not towards the end, but I wasn't exactly taught moral values.

Sal is extremely grounded, she doesn't believe in getting something for nothing. Everything I have in my room I've had to earn the money to buy. I've had to earn a living while also being at college simply to put clothes on my back.

Ok, that came out wrong... I'm not saying that Sal let me walk around in holey clothes, but basically if it was a necessity, I had to save up for it myself. I've bought my own car, sure it's a beat up piece of shit, but it gets me from A to B.

To earn the money for everything I took up a job in the local pub, first of all I was a waitress, and then when I turned 18 they made me a barmaid. Minimum wage job but extremely sociable. I'd work every night besides from Sunday's, which would be spent catching up on college work. Hell, even Derek, the landlord, would let me do college work behind the bar. I worked hard for everything I've got, and it's humbled me.

I finished college up here, earning a few degrees which I have absolutely no idea what to do with them, but hey, I'm only twenty-one. My close knit group of friends don't want me to leave. Aunt Sal definitely doesn't want me to, she's told me so on numerous occasions. I don't really want to leave, but I need to get out of my little bubble that I've created.

I need to right a few wrongs.

You will notice a slight change in me... How much so I'm not sure. I'm worried in fact, worried that leaving this little bubble I now call home will turn me back into my old wretched ways. But I also know that on the end of a phone is Sal, who literally will put the fear of God up my arse if I put a foot wrong.

I'm painting a lovely picture of my Aunt Sal aren't I?

In fact she's not like that at all. She just gives a shit about me. Therefore meaning she pushes me to be the best I can, and I appreciate that a hell of a lot. She's my mother, father and best friend, all rolled into one, I couldn't ask for a greater Aunt.

I leave the counselling building, walking into the bitter air. It may have been cold back in Bristol but it's fucking freezing up here, all the time! I'm in the open air constantly, it's not all built up like Bristol was, and living in a small village with only a shop and two pubs, forests and fields surround it, it takes twenty minutes to get anywhere with shops, cinemas, bars, clubs, and it takes even longer if I walk.

I love it here though, I am definitely a convert. I thought that I was a city girl, I loved being within walking distance of everything, but I suppose I have changed a lot.

The me from three years ago is a shadow, I no longer exist... I'm going to regret saying this, but I'm happy.

It took a while to get here, quite a few one night stands, hundreds of empty vodka bottles, tongue lashings from my aunt and finally a kick up the arse from her which sent me on this path.

It's almost as if I've been in rehab for three years and they are finally letting me out. Now I have to deal with the 'outside' world. See if I can cope. I hope I can cope.

My phone rings as I'm just getting into my car, I sit down, turning the beast on and cranking the heat up before answering, "So you're coming back?" Katie says, void of emotion,

"Yeah, I'm gonna have some dinner with Sal and then I'll be setting off"

"Why?"

"I need to Katie"

"If it's cause of her you're wasting your time" She's been like this for the last couple of years. The first year she would phone, text and even visit, but she's stopped doing all of those now. I miss her, but then why should I always make the effort... anyway she's become really close with Naomi now, I know, I died also when I heard.

"It's not just because of her, Katie..."

"Can't you see that she's moved on, she's got a boyfriend now"

"Boyfriend?" I can't help the pangs of jealousy I feel instantly,

"Yeah... she's happy for once"

"I'm glad" That she's happy...

"No you're not"

"What ever Katie, did you just ring me to have a go?"

"No, I wanted to see if it was true, Sal rang mum and told her"

"Yes, it's true"

"Can't you just stay up there?" She says quietly, "I know you're my sister and I do love you but nothing good is gonna come of you coming back"

"There is nothing you can do to stop me"

"I'm not telling her you're coming"

"Do what you want, but I _will_ see her, whether you like it or not"

"You're not gonna fuck with her again are you?"

"No, Katie... I haven't spoken to her since I fucking left, I have a lot of explaining to do"

"She doesn't need it"

"I do!" I practically shout,

"Can't you think of someone other than yourself for a change... you fucked her up real bad Emily, real bad... I don't think she remembers the first six months after you left... I'm not going to let you waltz back into her life and screw her up, I won't let you"

"Whatever" I hang up. I could scream! That girl sure knows how to infuriate me! I haven't even set off and I'm already causing arguments.

I'm hella looking forward to this, yay!

I drive back to Sal's house. She's sitting out on the porch, a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and a fag in the other. It's still early so I'm assuming she's only just got up. I smile as I walk up to her, "Alright sweet" She greets me as she always does, "How was your last session?"

"It was ok" I smile, sitting down beside her, she wraps her arm round me,

"Can't you stay, just another week" She hugs me closer, "Please" I laugh,

"I'd love to, but I've gotta get this over and done with"

"I know" She lets me go, having a sip of her coffee she turns to me, "I've never said this to you before, but I'm really proud of you" I almost blush, before nudging her and laughing,

"Don't get all gooey on me"

"There you go, ruining another shining family moment, just your style" She laughs,

"Why change the habit of a lifetime" I shrug my shoulders,

"Well you've proved you can do just that" She takes a drag on her cigarette, "If you had seen the transformation that I've seen these past years you would be amazed"

"I know I've changed... but whether it's for the good is a different matter"

"Trust me, it's for the better... I'm sure your liver agrees"

"It has actually been twitching the last couple of days, maybe it knows I'm going back to the house party capital of Britain"

"I don't need to hear those things" She tosses her blonde curly hair behind her ear, her flawless skin almost shimmering in the dull sunlight. I wish I looked as good as her at 40. "Have you said your goodbyes?"

"Yeah, I had a few drinks last night with my friends and said bye to Derek"

"You thank him?" She says sternly,

"Yes, I thanked him for my car, my iPod, my phone and all my credit" She chuckles, "Oh, and my laptop"

"Good, I'm glad you haven't lost your manners"

"Living with you... never!" She smacks me, "Wait... the cane isn't anywhere near is it?" I stand up, preparing to run,

"Hey, I have never hit you with a cane!" She protests, "I'm not that strict!"

"I know, I'm only joking"

"Cheeky bitch" She stands up, flicking her burnt out cig onto the lawn and putting her cup on the railing, "Come here" She motions with her hand as well, her arms wrap around me and I'm filled with happiness once again.

There are certain people who give you this exact feeling when they hug you, a feeling of safety, happiness and love. I feel so complete when I'm with her. It's almost as if she is my parent... we act the same, we think the same, hell we even look a little alike.

My aunt over my mum? Any day.

"Right, go get showered and packed and I'll cook your favourite for dinner, you'll need a decent meal in you it's quite a journey" I kiss her on the cheek,

"Thanks Sal" I run off inside, taking my time as I get in.

She started early, having both her kids at 18 and 20, so they've moved out and are living their own lives, but her house is almost a shrine to them. She is definitely proud of her children. Rightly so too.

She's been a single parent almost as soon as Sam was born. His father left almost immediately. They got back together though and had Ella, but he left shortly after, wanker. Sal worked three jobs to give them the best she could, she put both of them through university, Ella is still there, Sam graduated last year, he's now working at a hospital in Hull.

Sal is a real inspiration, she's my hero. When I rang three years ago and asked to stay, I explained that I was having a bad time, there was no hesitation she accepted straight away. I was a shit to her in the beginning, coming home drunk early in the morning, I even brought a girl home on a couple of occasions. But she never gave up, she put me into counselling, sorted college out for me and helped me get the job at the local pub. She saved me, and I'll be forever grateful.

Needless to say, having to leave here is going to leave a hole in my heart. I'm going to struggle, I know this, there's going to be tension, there's going to be arguments and most definitely tears.

But as I've said, I've a few wrongs to right, and I will right them, no matter how long it takes and how hard it is...

************

It's a little slow at starting, but I had to have some form of background for the previous three years that she's been missing from Bristol, I know it's brief but I also know how anxious most of you will be for when she finally sees Naomi again... and the circumstances surrounding that encounter, will start writing it now so it will be up in the next day or two.

Hope I don't disappoint, comments and reviews are always welcome!


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you very much for the comments... the story is getting into full swing now... it's predictable this chapter, but I'll add some more twists and turns in, you know I will =P

Emily and Naomi meet for the first time since the bathroom incident!!!

*********

Chapter Two

The beast is filled to the brim with petrol, my stomach is full with Shepard's pie, bladder empty, sweets for the drive, iPod plugged into the radio and a small tear in my eye.

Everything needed for the dreadful journey I'm just starting.

Dreadful in every single possible way. I wave to Sal as I pull out the drive, knowing I'll see her again, but not knowing how long I'll have to wait. You get used to somebody, spending three years with them, I am definitely going to miss her.

I'm hoping I don't get lost... I printed off directions from Google maps, according to this I will arrive at Jimmy's flat in three hours and forty minutes.

Gah, I hate long distance driving. My arse is numb already and I haven't even left Yorkshire!

Slowly but surely the countryside disappears and two and a half hours later I actually recognise one of the roads I've been driving down, surely that is a good sign. The beast is currently doing 82mph on the motorway, and I am so proud. Granted the entire car is shaking and the steering wheel is vibrating like hell but I'm still proud.

Finally, Bristol is actually showing up on the road signs, "Come on beast!" I tap the steering wheel, getting excited as he is actually doing 86 and the wheels haven't fallen off yet! But inevitably I have to slow down, although feeling extremely smug having overtaken a merc, a BMW and a Honda.

All driven by granddads, but hey... still smug.

It's amazing isn't it? You don't visit a place for years yet you are still able to know it like the back of your hand. I pull up outside Jimmy's place, getting out and stretching, every single joint cracking, I let out a relieved sigh, I press the buzzer to his place, "Hello" His deep voice answers,

"Let me in I'm gonna piss myself!" I shout, suddenly needing to pee. He laughs, "Come on"

"Just let me enjoy this" I can actually hear him grinning,

"Open the fucking door or I'll piss on your doorstep" I start to dance, and finally he opens the door. I run up the stairs and see him stood in the hallway, arms crossed and laughing,

"Nice to see you too" He grins, "Second door on the left" I grin as I dance and run at the same time, unbuttoning my jeans as I open the door,

"Wanker, that's your room" He is now laughing hysterically, I growl,

"Next left" He wasn't joking this time, I practically orgasm as soon as my arse hits the toilet seat. I hear him come into the flat and close the door, I finish, wash my hands and make sure that as I walk out the bathroom I hit him,

"You are a wanker"

"You are twenty-one, you should be able to hold your piss"

"What can I say? I'll practice my pelvic floor muscles more often" He laughs again, now giving me a hug,

"Good drive?"

"Thrilling" I pull away, pinching his cheeks, "I've missed you"

"It's only been about four months since you last saw me" He frowns, his dark eyebrows furrowing, crinkling his smooth forehead,

"What? I'm needy, leave me alone" His blue eyes smile as he punches my shoulder,

"Missed you too chuck" I grin, "I'll give you the grand tour... although you are already familiar with the bathroom" I give him a dirty look, "and my room"

"ha ha"

"Careful, don't laugh too much, your weak bladder won't cope"

"Just shut up and give me the tour"

"Better be nice to me chuck, remember I'm letting you live here rent free"

"_You_ live here rent free"

"Yeah but, I'm spoilt" I laugh, he so is. If you could see his apartment, woah. It's not exactly huge but it's kitted out with all the latest gear. A huge telly sits on the wall and beneath it a Wii and an Xbox. He has a DVD rack full to the brim of the latest games. A huge corner leather couch sits in the middle of the room, and he has an open plan kitchen, a breakfast bar separating the kitchen from the living room.

His kitchen looks brand new, and unused I might add.

"Your room is a little basic" He opens the door to a good sized bedroom, it has a double bed and a large built-in wardrobe, "But you can do what you want with it, I don't mind" He grins, "So I guess that's all you really need to know... here's your key"

"Why thank you" I say, immediately attaching it to my car keys, I have a tendency for losing keys. "So what's the rules? Policies?"

"Well... I have no idea what you're talking about..." He laughs,

"Food, bills, am allowed to bring girls over?" I grin "Not like I would" He laughs,

"Yeah, what ever... so long as I can watch"

"Yeah, dream on"

"I thought you might say that" He laughs, "Nah, I don't mind, bill's... seeing as it's the middle of the month, I'll pay the next lot, and then we'll start halving... food... we'll half... you planning on getting a job?"

"Yeah, I'll see if there is any bar work free"

"You can ask at pub tonight, we're going out"

"I'm knackered" I sigh,

"Oh, come on... I have a surprise for you"

"Oh no... no surprises" I wink at him,

"Tough" He says smugly, "You'll see later... right now I'm gonna help you with your bags, get you unpacked and then we'll get ready, ok?"

"Fuck that, I'll get my bags in, I'll unpack tomorrow... I can't be arsed"

"What would Sal say?" He points at me jokingly, "She wouldn't be very happy"

"Well she's not here, and I'm entitled to do fuck all seeing as I've just driven a long time to get here"

"Long time my arse"

"Whatever... can I take a bath?"

"You don't need to ask... it's your flat now too"

****

Jimmy doesn't know the exact reason as to why I left Bristol in the first place, he doesn't know about Naomi or my mum, all I told him was that I needed to get away, and he understood, has never asked anything else about it. He knows I have a twin, and that's about it about my life in Bristol.

He knows the important things; I'm gay, I'm a smart arse, I'm sarcastic, annoying and a twat most of the time, and he still wants me around, so it's easy to say that we get along great.

He was an arrogant shit when we first met, he tried it on with me. He's the kind of guy who thinks he's god's gift to women. He is good looking though, but has that extra piece of anatomy that I don't go for... He's tall, dark spikey hair, blue sparkling eyes. He has an athletic body, but doesn't show it off, he dresses like a bloke in a band, tight skinny jeans and band tees. But it suits him.

He is most definitely metrosexual, he cares more about his appearance than anybody else I know. But he looks good, so why the hell not?

Did I mention he's spoilt?

His parents are well off and have given him anything he has ever wanted, but he's grounded, he's kind, and a good friend.

That's all I need.

My phone rings as I'm taking a soak. I look at the caller, argh! She's ringing for another argument, "Yes?" I answer,

"Are you here yet?"

"Yeah, I'm at my friends flat... having a bath, why?"

"Where does he live, I'm coming round"

"Why?"

"I want to apologise for earlier, and plus I haven't seen you for ages" Woah... she pissed? I give her the address anyway, shouting to Jimmy that she's coming round, he gets excited... I don't think he's ever met twins before. Especially ones that actually look alike.

I'm just drying off as the buzzer announces that she's here. I go to it, letting her in. She's soon knocking on the door, I open it and she smiles widely.

She hasn't changed a bit, although her hair that was red now has black undertones. She looks like the exact same Katie. I'm a little nervous, and I can't understand why... she's my sister... Anyway, we share a brief, awkward hug before she moans that I haven't invited her in. Typical Katie.

She walks in, immediately surveying the flat. Jimmy comes out of his room and holds his hand out, but Katie looks like she's just seen a ghost, before laughing, "You've got to be shitting me"

"What?" Jimmy and I say in unison,

"Oh, nothing" She shakes his hand, we both look at each other funny, but he introduces himself anyway. "So your Jimmy? Emily's best friend?" She sits down on the couch,

"Yeah... and your Katie, Emily's twin"

"No shit" She laughs, "Nice place"

"Thanks" He smiles. "What did you mean earlier" He starts, and she frowns, "I mean, when you first saw me?"

"Oh nothing, really... it's just a small world" Katie being a pain in the arse as usual, "So what's the plan for tonight?" We both frown again, "I mean obviously we have to go out and celebrate my sister being back in town"

"Oh yeah, sure... we're just going to the pub round the corner"

"Oh... what time?" I look to Jimmy and shrug,

"About half 6, why?" he answers,

"I'll meet you there at half 6" She grins smugly,

"Katie... what's going on?" Now I feel even more nervous,

"You'll see later" she smiles smugly again, "Anyway, gotta go, I'll see you in a couple of hours" She smiles and then suddenly she's gone. Me and Jimmy stand looking at each other for a short amount of time before laughing,

"Weird one that one" He says,

"You have no idea"

*****

"Do I look ok?" I ask nervously as I show Jim my outfit,

"You look great" He smiles widely, I look at myself in the mirror, it's not like I'm trying hard or anything, all I'm wearing is a short denim skirt, thick black tights, black kitten heels and a band tee that I stole off Jimmy. "Why you so nervous?" He turns back to the mirror, twisting his hairs. It's an art you see!

"I don't know... I just am... it used to be my local is all... I'm just a little anxious" I look at the clock in the living room, 6:26... "We better leave soon" I say, taking a deep breath.

"Almost done" I walk to the living room, grabbing my bag and making sure I have everything I need. He walks out clapping his hand, "Ready when you are"

"It's now or never" His phone goes off in his pocket, it's just a text I'm assuming as he's smiling widely, "What?"

"My surprise for you is ready" He grins.

"Oh, what you planned?"

"Nothing, nothing" He grins, "Come on, lets go" I grab my jacket, as he does. We turn the lights out and lock up. The walk to the pub is a nervous one, and Jimmy smiling like a twat on speed isn't helping. I get agitated as I see the entrance to the pub. I can hear the music playing, and the place seems busy for a change. "You'll be fine" He squeezes my shoulder before walking in, I grab his hand, and he turns around smiling. He makes his way to the bar. He's looking around for something, and then he turns to me. I feel my heart start pounding and I'm not sure why.

Katie walks up to us. A huge grin riding on her face, I'm about to say something to her when Jimmy taps me on the shoulder, "Ems, I want you to meet my girlfriend..." I smile as I turn around, but that smile is instantly wiped off my face as I come face to face with Jimmy's girlfriend... and my ex... "Emily, this is Naomi" He grins widely wrapping his arm around her shoulder...

She looks just as shocked as I do... I look at Katie, and of course, she is looking rather smug.

Bitch, she fucking knew and didn't even bother to warn me!


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you very much for the comments, never fails to make me smile.

Just a quick warning, currently on the way to being drunk, so if halfway through this chapter it starts making less sense, just means I've drank more vodka.

Hope I don't disappoint, please keep commenting and making my day =D

* * *

Chapter Three

I cannot fucking believe it. Literally, I am stood here staring at her with my mouth wide open. I can't even notice anything else. I'm studying her, she's changed... Her short hair is now gone and in it's place long curly blonde hair. She looks stunning, and I feel my heart racing for her all over again.

She's the first to break this awkward moment, holding out her hand. I glance between Jimmy and Katie, both looking as gobsmacked as Naomi and myself. Especially when Naomi extends her hand, plastering on a fake smile that I know all too well she introduces herself properly, which is weird, "I'm Naomi" Her voice completely void of emotion, "Nice to meet you" But I deserve it. Katie's mouth is almost on the floor. Jimmy looks as confused as I am, but I take her hand, and I don't fail to notice the flinch that falls on her face.

The handshake is brief, I guess she can't stand to even touch me. She turns to Jimmy, "Let's dance" Now a real smile plays on her face as he nods, kissing her briefly, almost like a dagger to my heart, but as I said, I deserve it.

When I see that they have disappeared I grab Katie, dragging her outside the pub, "What. The. Fuck" I say, and she looks almost as dumbfounded as I do,

"I have no idea, I mean imagine acting like she doesn't know you, weird" I pinch her, "Ouch!"

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me that his girlfriend was her..."

"Payback" She says smugly, "For leaving" I laugh,

"I didn't deserve that"

"Oh, I beg to differ"

"How come he didn't recognise you?"

"Cause he's never met me, dumbass... I've seen lovey dovey pictures of the two of them on her phone... that's how I recognised him"

"I can't believe you'd be such a bitch..."

"Really?" She pulls a face, and I shrug,

"Ok, I can... I just thought that maybe you would have warned me"

"And miss seeing the looks on both your faces, fuck that" She laughs, "Absolute classic, if I had a camera, fuck"

"Heartless bitch"

"Oh, I'm heartless, you know what... fuck you... I was the one who tended to Naomi's broken heart, a heart that you fucking shattered, so don't you dare stand there and call me heartless" She looks away, her tongue sticks to the roof of her mouth which in Katie body language means she's gonna tell the truth, "You know, I actually fucking hate you" She frowns, "I mean I love you, your my sister, but I hate you for what you did to that girl, you didn't see it, Emily, you didn't see how much you fucked her up... no... I did, that's why I didn't tell you, that's why I didn't warn you, maybe feeling an ounce of fucking pain, just one ounce of what she felt, it will do you good, maybe you'd re-think coming back here"

"What's going on?" Jimmy walks out of the pub, and I panic, hoping to god he didn't hear any of that, "Why are you out here in the cold?"

"Just a sisterly discussion James" Katie says, anger frothing from the mouth, "Can you leave us alone?" Naomi walks out behind, her hand lifts up and rests on his arm, she whispers something to him and he nods, smiling he goes back inside, leaving me with what I assume is going to be the worst night of my life,

"Katie" I'd be shocked at what I'd see if I wasn't currently cacking myself... Katie doesn't say a word, she doesn't bite, she doesn't bark, instead she toddles of inside like a good little girl, just because Naomi said her name...

"I didn't know, I swear" I say, quietly, but she doesn't say a word, she doesn't even look at me,

"Why are you back?"

"I needed to explain"

"I don't need an explanation" She says quickly, "I don't need excuses" Her eyes still don't leave the pavement "Just leave me alone"

"No" She's getting angry, I can sense it, but she takes a deep breath,

"If he ever finds out about us, you'll regret it, I promise you that" Completely emotionless... that is the only way that I can describe her now, and it's breaking my heart, "Do you hear me?" Her voice barely goes above a whisper, I gulp loudly, all my mistakes suddenly hitting me all at once, like a train hitting me at full speed.

"Will you at least fucking look at me?" I regret saying that immediately, her hate filled eyes lock onto mine, so much hate that it sends chills through my body. "I'm sor-"

"Don't you fucking dare" she takes a deep breath again, "You have no idea, _no_ idea what I've been through since you left, and one apology isn't going to change anything, as far as I'm concerned you are a stranger to me... my boyfriends best friend, I'll be polite in front of him, but you're nothing to me, do you understand" Her eyes never leave mine, she is so confident in what she is saying, and I believe her, "Nothing" She says with such disdain,

"I'm not giving up" I say, adamantly,

"Well I hope you enjoy disappointment then" she turns and walks back inside the pub. No other word is uttered between us.

I have no intention of feeling sorry for myself, I honestly thought that I could handle whatever is thrown at me, but this... this is far too much.

I still love her, I'm still in love with her, after all that's happened, after all these years, she is the only person that I have ever loved, a part of me doesn't want to let that go, but an even bigger part knows that I should let her go.

My limp body sits on the curb, my head falls into my hands as I try to stop these thoughts. I try to stop that conversation running through my head. An argument I could have dealt with, maybe being hit a few times, spat at, verbally abused, anything... anything but that.

She didn't raise her voice, she didn't falter, she didn't stammer, she didn't struggle, she knew exactly what to say, almost as if she was expecting me to come back in her life at some point. I know that everything she said was sincere, I understand that this isn't going to be easy, but that doesn't mean that I'm giving up.

I can't give up.

I can't move on with my life until this whole mess is sorted out. I know that I'm being selfish, I know that I'm putting my friendship in jeopardy, but nothing is more important to me than her, nothing. If it means months of misery, until she finally gives in then fine, if it means losing Jimmy, losing a place to stay, fine...

"Emily? Is that you?" I lift my head from my hands and look to the source of the voice,

"Effy?" I stand up, Effy walking over to me, "Oh my god" I smile, instantly pulling her into a hug, we pull apart and she smiles, in typical Effy style, I've missed her mysteriousness.

"What the hell are you doing back?" She asks, I stumble with myself and she understands, "Oh" she grabs her bag, passing me a bottle of vodka, I smile gratefully, taking a long swig of it, "You know it will never happen, right?"

"Why not?"

"She's over it... she's with Jimmy now, and he's a great guy"

"I know... I'm living with him"

"What?"

"Yeah... he's my best friend"

"Does he-"

"Has no idea"

"Shit"

"Yeah" I lift the bottle of vodka up, almost like making a toast, before taking another large swig, "Here's to mistakes and misery" I take another swig, "Oh shit, sorry, I'm drinking all your vodka" I giggle, handing it back,

"It's ok" She grabs my arm, "Come on, gotta face the music, now or never"

"Never?"

"Not an option... sorry" She drags me into the pub, making her way to what I can only assume is their usual spot.

"Got a drink for you babes" Jimmy says, pointing to what appears to be vodka and coke, I smile as convincingly as possible,

"Thanks"

"It's bloody amazing" He says, his imperfect hands all over her,

"What is?" I ask, taking a sip of my drink and thanking the lord that he got me a double,

"How you two have never met, I mean Naomi's best friends with your sister, I just find it unreal"

"Just sheer bad luck I guess" Naomi smiles to him, and then glares at me when he's not looking.

Ok, definitely not over it, still hating me, but I suppose she is actually acknowledging me, which is better than being ignored... I think.

Hate is a feeling, and I'd rather she hate me than not feel anything, which apparently she doesn't... I foresee progress being made here.

Then again as I'm thinking this the alcohol is starting to take effect.

What? My tolerance for alcohol has declined since leaving here, it's not my fault, blame my Aunt Sal.

****

Ok, so six double vodka and cokes later and I am officially rat-arsed. I can't see straight, and I'm trying so desperately hard not to say anything to Naomi, or Katie for that matter. They are both aware of this, after having a secret conversation suddenly I'm being pulled out of my chair and then effectively being pulled out of the pub. Katie practically dragging me back to the flat, "What the-"

"I'm saving you from yourself" She says simply, "Look, you need to fucking calm down ok"

"I am calm"

"No, you're a ticking time bomb" I don't answer her, because quite frankly, she is right. I've sat through two hours of them smooching, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears, and then effectively disappearing for a short while. I can actually taste the jealousy in my throat. "Look, sleep it off and we'll meet for dinner tomorrow, ok?" She grabs my keys out my bag and unlocks the door, making sure I make it into the flat she shouts that she will text me tomorrow.

I won't hold my breath.

Gah, need to pee. I turn the lights on as I walk to the bathroom, sorry, stumble. I close the door to, and sit down on the toilet. My full bladder almost exploding.

I can't stop myself from replaying the events of the evening through my mind, and I can't help feeling a little nostalgic. The first memory playing in my mind is our banter that we used to have, it really is the simple things that you miss the most.

The door swings open, "Fuck" Naomi say's, covering her eyes. She goes back into the hallway, closing the door behind her.

"Fuck sake" I say under my breath, I am literally being tortured. I think coming back here was a big, big mistake. I finish, stumbling to the door. I open it, my arms pushed against the door frame, steadying myself, I look right at her, "Sorry" She doesn't say anything, she waits for me to move. I can't... I haven't been this close to her in three years. She still wears the same perfume, uses the same shampoo and is looking so at me so deeply. I can't stop myself from leaning in, her intoxicating presence over coming me. She humours me, if only for a split second, before her hand connects with my chest, pushing me to the floor. I crash with a loud thud,

"What was that?" Jimmy shouts from his room, he comes running,

"I think someone has had too much" she says laughing... I'd hate her if I didn't love her so much. Jimmy walks in, smiling adoringly at me,

"Pisshead" He giggles before he places his arms under me, lifting me up with ease. I wrap my arms around his neck, my head lightly crashes with his as I almost pass out. "Get the door" He says to Naomi, she opens the door, walking into my room she pulls back the covers of my bed, he places me in, taking my shoes off he throws them to the floor. I grab a spare pillow, snuggling up to it as the darkness finally takes over. I hear them mumbling things to each other, but I'm far too gone to make any sense out of it all.

Well, I'd say today when well, wouldn't you?

*******************

I am drunk... so I apologise for any mistakes or if it doesn't make sense. The vodka called!


	4. Chapter 4

Wow, 53 comments... and I've only just started writing chapter four... I am completely astounded, thank you so much for the comments, It is honestly the first thing I do when I wake up, and it's the first thing that I smile about. Thank you, thank you and thank you.

It's only a short-ish one tonight, I'm knackered and need to try out my new bed =P. There probably won't be an update tomorrow or possibly Saturday as I didn't get nearly as drunk last night as I'd hoped lol.

************

Chapter Four

Have ever forgotten where you were?

My phone vibrates on the bedside table in Bristol, but to me, I'm still up in Yorkshire with my Aunt Sal. I slap what I presume to be my phone, only to slap nothing but air. My swollen eyelids open, confused as I look at a strange room, then I remember, smiling to myself at how stupid I've been. I lean to the other side of the bed and grab my phone, speak of the devil, "Sal" I say, my voice thick with sleep, my eyes heavy with the lack of,

"You sound like shit" Never one to mince her words, "You ok?"

"Yeah, you woke me" I say, a slight twinge of a headache behind my eyes, making me pinch the bridge of my nose,

"It's 11"

"So it is" I sigh, the events of last night suddenly coming back to me, "Shit"

"What?"

"I've blown it..."

"What do you mean sweet?"

"I came on to her last night... and she knocked me back... acted as if she's never met me, I got drunk and came onto her... best part is, she's fucking Jimmy"

"No" She says for about two seconds, "My god, when it's bad it's hell for you, eh?"

"Tell me about it" I laugh, "I don't know what to do, Sal"

"You'll figure it out"

"I gave her to wrong impression last night... completely the wrong impression, I don't expect to walk right back into her life, I don't expect her to even talk to me, but to act as if she's never met me, it just stung... a lot"

"Em, what more do you expect, you broke the poor girls heart and then ran away for three years"

"I know, I know" I sigh, sitting up fully, "I don't know what I expected to be honest... I just want to explain, to apologise... I want her to forgive me. I know its a long shot, but at least at the end I can at least say I tried"

"I know my sweet, look, I gotta go, I was just ringing to see how you are, text me"

"Ok, Sal. Thanks"

"It's ok, see you soon"

"I hope" I hang up. I can still taste vodka. I'm not hungover, I don't get hangovers, I just need more sleep. But after lying staring at the ceiling for five minutes, the need for coffee just outs my need for sleep.

I get out of bed, almost tripping over my outfit from last night, I scratch my head, oh yeah, I took it off in the early hours... no idea why. I'm currently dressed in a tank top and some girl boxers. I continue to scratch my head, trying to get that niggling headache out, as I walk to the kitchen. Then suddenly the entire room goes cold, I feel extremely awkward and I turn to my left and understand why.

Naomi.

She's sitting at the breakfast bar, her mouth full of what I can only assume is cereal, her hair a mess and she's wearing a strappy top.

I look away immediately, "I'll go" I turn around, but she stops me, she swallows loudly,

"Don't leave by my account" Her voice as it was last night, completely indifferent. "It's your house now too"

"Too?" I point at her, scratching my head again, a nervous habit, I am sorry.

"I stay over most nights" If my inner monologue could actually be heard, right now there would be a large scream followed by all the expletives that you can think of.

"Oh"

I can't help but see a small smirk that just appeared on her face, and disappeared almost as soon as I caught it. So much for 'nothing' eh? I walk over to the kettle, flicking the switch, I frown. "Top left" She doesn't even look at me as she says this, she continues to eat her cereal. I go to the top left cupboard and sure enough the mugs are there.

"Thanks" I mutter under my breath. This couldn't be more awkward than if I were stark bollocks naked. I make my coffee, taking it to the couch I sit down and turn the telly on, watching some random shit that is on. I hear her flick the kettle again, I turn and look at her, debating whether or not to say anything, "I'd have made you one" obviously I decided I would,

"I don't want anything from you" Another stake through my heart.

"Morning my gorgeous girls" Jimmy walks into the kitchen, kissing Naomi's head, she smiles, saying a quick morning to him, before offering him a drink, he declines. "Hey, Ems"

"Yeah" I turn back round to look at him,

"I've got the new Call of Duty game... fancy a quick match?" I see Naomi frown,

"Sure" I say, smiling widely, two can play this game, "I'll kick your arse" He laughs, patting his toned stomach,

"I'll have fun watching you try" He jumps over the couch, turning the Xbox on. I hear Naomi sigh from here.

She never was one for video games.

This is how Jimmy and I bonded, believe it or not. I remember Emma, my friend from college up north, introducing me to him. She had a huge crush on him, and his way of being all macho was to offer a game of the old COD. We got so competitive playing the free-for-all matches, killing each other left right and centre. We just simply bonded.

It's a regular thing in our friendship, killing each other on this video game, and I have so much fun doing it.

Although I do get a little bit... ahem... vocal.

_An hour later..._

"Grr, you fucking tosser!"" I say, slapping my leg, "I'm gonna get you" I say, chasing after him.

I have actually forgotten that Naomi is here, she is currently sat at the other end of the couch flicking through a magazine, throwing me daggers every now and then.

"Ha!" He says as he sprints on the game. I hide behind a corner, waiting for him to run past, and as he does I shoot him in the head, "Bitch"

"A why thank you" I say very smugly, we are now tied, and only 30 seconds left on the clock. I'm gonna beat him, I will beat him, little fucker. I run up the roof of a building, swapping my gun for a sniper rifle, and I see him. I aim, shoot him again, and as his man loads again, its announced I have won. "I won, I won, I won, you're shit, you're shit" I say, standing up and dancing and singing,

"And you're not the least bit smug are you?"

"Aww poor baby" I pinch his cheek, "Such a sore loser" I pout, and he pushes my hand away from his face,

"I am not a sore loser, thank you... you just cheat"

"Oh, yeah, any excuse"

"So what's the plan for today, girls?" Naomi shrugs, apparently annoyed that I've stolen her boyfriend from her for the past hour, either that or jealous. She's about to answer, but I butt in,

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to see my mum" I say the last part quietly, feeling nervous as soon as I say it. I see a small change in Naomi... her mouth closes, and she looks a little... I wanna say sad.

"Ah, that'll be nice" Now she shoots Jimmy a dirty look. I really wanna say something to her about that, really want to, but then she doesn't know what I've told him... so I can't really blame her. She continues to flick through her magazine, "What about me and you babe?"

"I was gonna spend the day with Katie, if that's alright with you?"

"Yeah, sure thing" He smiles, leaning over and kissing her. I turn around, walking to my room, "Where are you going?" He asks, like a dejected kid, "I wanna beat you"

"I'm gonna get ready, it's the middle of the day, I wanna catch her before... she goes anywhere"

"Ok, but we'll have a re-match later"

"I'll still win" I say grinning as I enter my room. I push the door too, and I can hear them talking. Arguing is actually the correct word to use. Then a small tap stops me from changing, I quickly pick up my robe, throwing it on I answer,

"Sorry" Jimmy says, his head lowered,

"For what?"

"What I said about your mum, I honestly didn't know" I frown, she told him?

"I know you didn't know, cause I didn't tell you... don't be silly" I hit him playfully, "There's no need to apologise"

"Naomi just explained to me"

"How did she know?" please say Katie, please

"Katie"

"Oh"

"Something wrong?"

"Don't take offence, Jim, it's just not something I like shouting about, that's the reason I didn't tell you"

"I know... I know what you're like" He smiles, "I just wanted to apologise for being stupid" HE laughs nervously,

"Forget about it" I smile, "Now can I get changed?"

"Sure thing babes"

"Here" He stops as he turns, looking at me again, I spring to my toes and kiss him on the cheek, "You're a good guy, really"

"Stop, you'll make me blush" He puts on a gay accent and flops his hand, I laugh loudly,

"Puff"

"I think Naomi will disagree with you on that, lezza" I laugh,

"Yeah she can't disagree with you on _that_ matter" I mutter under my breath as I close the door, luckily he didn't hear.

****

I take a few deep breaths as I'm about to set off, Jimmy is crashed on the couch and Naomi is just putting her shoes on. "I'm gonna go" I smile to him, "I shouldn't be long"

"Oh hey, wait up, Naomi is going to Katie's, why don't you walk together"

"Oh, no, it's ok" I say flippantly, hoping to God he doesn't suggest it again,

"Nonsense, it makes no sense both of you walking to the same house, at the same time, separately"

"No, it's ok" Woah, heart attack. Naomi said that. Oh right, she's saving face in front of Jimmy. She'll tell me to fuck off as soon as he can't see us.

"Ok then" I frown. Walking to the door, she's quick to follow, after saying bye to Jim, of course.

I'm walking down the stairs as she catches up with me, her arms crossed firmly against her chest. I look at her, completely dumbfounded.

"What?" I ask, and she simply shrugs, "What?" I say again, louder this time, making her jump a little,

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok" I stop walking, standing on the stairs as she carries on, she stops and looks up at me,

"I thought you didn't give a shit about me"

"I don't" She looks away, "I just know how hard it is for you with your mum"

"What do you want from me?" I ask, I've been here for about twenty-four hours now, and I've never been so confused in my life, "One minute you hate me, telling me you won't speak to me unless Jim's there, then the next your talking, and now you're standing here saying that you want to make sure that I'm ok... pretty hard task for somebody you hate"

"I don't... hate you" She struggles...

"After what I did... I find that hard to believe"

"Well believe what you will, only I know how I feel..." She walks off. And I'm still stood on the stairs completely dumbfounded, watching her walk away from me. Something which I've done far too many times. "And anyway... you should be grateful that I speak to you, if you weren't my boyfriend's best friend things would be much, much different" She says, not looking at me, but walking slower than before.

****


	5. Chapter 5

I know, I know... It's been one hell of a weekend/beginning of the week. Friday was, good, except I can't remember getting home, I don't know how I got home... I don't know what time I got home, nothing.

Anyway, I've spend the last three days working, and trying to catch up on the sleep I missed out on since Friday, and I'm still knackered! So here is my tired attempt at the next chapter, my apologies for the lateness and the quality of it. I'll get better after I've spent all day in bed tomorrow.

Thank you so much for the comments and reviews, as always, you are all amazing!

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Chapter Five

"It's this way" She stops as I'm walking to my car,

"I'm driving"

"Oh" She starts to walk off, but I have an attack of guilt,

"Want a lift?" I shouldn't have said what I did to her, I have no right... she has every right to be how she has been to me. She stops again, debating it, before walking towards me. I get in the driver's side, leaning over and unlocking the passenger door, what? I can't afford central locking.

She climbs in, looking round, I hear her chuckle to herself, "What?" Damn it! I need to stop asking her questions, she shakes her head, smiling. I glance around the car.

It's a typical beast of a car, CD's thrown everywhere, KFC napkins on the floor, empty bottles of pop. I'm a slob, ok?

"Exactly the type of car I expect you to have" She says quietly. I don't say anything else. Then I realise that this is the first time she has ever driven with me, or actually seen me drive.

She'll regret it.

The beast is off. Bombing it through the streets. It literally takes no longer than five minutes to get to my house. I see Naomi keeping a tight grip on her seatbelt, her face looks painstakingly petrified. I can't help the satisfied small that graces my lips.

But I slow down. We pull up outside Mum's, Naomi breathes a sigh of relief, and I take deep breaths. She places her hand on the handle, opening the door and sticking one leg out, then she sits back down in the car, turning and looking at me she smiles encouragingly at me, "You'll be surprised" She says before getting out of the car and walking to the front door.

She doesn't bother knocking, she simply walks in.

My heart races, my pulse throbs and I have a nervous lump in my throat.

But I have to see her sooner or later. I get out of the car, taking a few deep breaths as I walk down the pathway. I stand at the open door, glancing in. Expecting to smell alcohol immediately, expecting to see empty bottles of alcohol lying round, expecting the house to be a mess, but instead it's neat, it's tidy. Almost as if she's expecting a visitor.

She doesn't know I'm home, unless Katie has told her, and anyway she certainly wouldn't be expecting me to visit. "Were you born in a barn Naomi?" I hear my mother's voice, as sober as hell. No slurring, nothing. Naomi nods towards the door and I see my mother's shadow approach.

I stand frozen to the spot, I don't know what I'm expecting now, I have no idea.

My fresh faced mother stands staring at me, her eyes almost pop out of her head. Her mouth falls open, but then she asserts herself. I flinch... awaiting some put down, but instead she steps aside, "Well aren't you going to come in" She's dressed in her uniform. I frown, she's got her job back? "Well" She says, louder, and it startles me a little. She doesn't say it viciously, but I can see her change at my reaction. I look to Naomi, who is stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking, watching. She nods, smiling very slightly. Her encouragement makes me step into the house. Mother ushers me into the kitchen. "So glad to have you back home"

"I'm not back home" I say, as I sit down, "Just seeing how you are"

"I'm good" She flicks the kettle on,

"Really?"

"Yeah" She nods, smiling enthusiastically. "Really"

"Drinking?" It's awkward, you could cut the tension in the air, but it's to be expected.

"Not a drop for two years, eight months" She sees my visible reaction, "I know you won't believe me, and you have every reason not to, but I mean it"

"She's telling the truth" Katie comes in, Naomi not far behind. They both sit down next to me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I turn to Katie,

"You'd have believed me over the phone?" She says, and I shrug. I know I wouldn't have, I'd have thought it was a lie to get me to come back.

"I go to meetings now, Emily. I have a sponsor, I'm trying, I really am trying"

"Ok"

"Anyway, that's enough about that" She shakes her hand, so blasé, "How was Sal, I bet she cracked the whip, huh?" She giggles,

"No, it was exactly what I needed, to be honest" She puts a cup of tea down in front of me, sitting across the table she gives me her full attention. I don't know where to look, as she's looking at me right now all I can see is what she was like three years ago, her eyes that were so full of hate, so full of disappointment are now nothing compared to the ones staring right at me.

I can't get used to it... It's going to take time...

"How?" She asks, blowing on her tea,

"I grew up... accepted my mistakes" I cough, knowing that she is hanging onto every word I'm saying, "Sal was an angel" My mother laughs,

"My sister? Angel? That's new" I frown, feeling protective of Sal, "Sorry... I just find that hard to believe"

"Well it's true. She's taught me so many things, things I needed to know, she grounded me... she helped me change into a better person" I can't help but get defensive, I can't help raise my voice. My mother's eyebrow rises, and I feel that bitter feeling in my stomach, expecting a tongue lashing, whatever, but she holds it back.

"Did you make some friends?"

"Yeah, I finished college up there, got a job, saved up for my car"

"Wow, I might send you, Katie"

"Yeah, jog on mum" Katie laughs,

"Do you want to stay for tea, Emily? It would be nice for you to stay" My mum says hopefully,

"Not tonight, sorry. I've got plans"

"With who?" Katie asks,

"Not that it's any of your business, but Effy"

"Oh, that'll be nice" She takes a sip of her tea, "You shall have to let me know how long your back for and when you're next free" She says, hope still shining in her eye,

"I'm back for good" Naomi chokes on her tea, startling us all, "I'm gonna start looking for a job in a bit, see if there's any bar work..."

"Oh, I'll keep my eye out... they're hiring at the local shop" mum says,

"Thanks, I'll have a look"

This is weird!

***********

I stay for about an hour. The hour spent with your usual chit chat.

I did tell a little lie, I haven't any plans with Effy tonight, right now I just need to settle in, I haven't had the chance yet. I walk into the flat, putting my keys down on the table in the hallway. I take my shoes off, leaving them neatly to the side. My coat I throw into my room as I walk past. I flick the lights on, it gets a little dark up here sometimes. I look around for Jimmy but he isn't in, or so it seems anyway. I walk to the kettle, turning it on and grabbing a cup.

As I walk to the fridge I see a note stuck to it, I frown, reading it; 'Gone to my folks, will be back tomorrow, J x' Shit. The house to myself... I haven't had an evening to myself for quite some time, this should be interesting.

There's a slight chill in the air so I turn the heating on. I take my hot cup of tea to the couch, turning the telly on and flicking through the channels.

Absolutely bollocks all on. I sigh. I put a random documentary on, not really watching it, sat thinking about my mum, about the huge change in her, but a part of me seems to think it's the quiet before the storm.

Then after what she and I have been through together, I guess I would be sceptical.

The sound of my empty mug being placed on the glass table resonates through the quiet flat, and I realise I don't like being home alone. I walk to my room, opening my suitcase I decide to empty it. That is until I see a half finished book that I was obsessed with before coming here.

I contemplate loudly with myself, the book naturally winning over actual labour. I take my quilt off my bed, dragging it to the living room, I curl up on the couch, getting comfy as I delve into fiction.

It's a good couple of hours, and about 300 pages later when I hear a key in the door. I sit up, thinking Jimmy must be back early, only to see the long haired blonde walk in. She looks at me sheepishly.

"Jimmy's not here" I say, before grabbing my book again, finding where I was,

"I know" This makes me put the book down again, I look up at her as she approaches me, my heart pounding, my stomach flipping...

"Oh" I sit up, allowing her to sit down at the other end of the couch, the silence is dreadful, I await for a word, a sentence, even a cough would do, but nothing. She sits, staring at the floor, her eyes wide.

God, she's so beautiful. I think I actually forgot how beautiful she is. Her sparkling blue eyes which shine because of her almost white hair. Those curly tendrils which hang down her cheeks, those luscious pouty lips, and her incessant habit of forever licking them still drives me insane. In a good way.

She doesn't do it in a pornographic way, where her tongue circles her mouth, one usually accompanied by a wink, no. She does it in possibly the most cutest, yet sexiest way possible. Almost shy. Her top lip covers her bottom, and as the top lip resumes its natural place her lips almost pout, any light available bouncing off them, accentuating possibly her best aspect, well one of.

"So you're back for good?" She finally starts, "I thought you were just visiting"

"No, I'm back for good"

"Why?" She frowns, her voice barely above a whisper, like a student trying not to be caught talking in a test.

"Why not?"

"Everything was going great..."

"Was?" She stutters with herself,

"Nothing is going to happen, nothing"

"I know that"

"I don't think you do"

"Look, the other night was a mistake, I was drunk, overwhelmed, and I didn't mean it... well I did, but I won't do it again" My turn to stumble over myself,

"Good, cause I'm with Jimmy now, he's a good man"

"I know that"

"Course you do" No hint of sarcasm, nothing, she simply agrees, which shocks me slightly.

"I just missed you" I say, very quietly, looking anywhere but at her,

"Don't" She plays with her hand, I can see it out of the corner of my eye, "You were the one that left"

"I had to"

"No, you didn't"

"I couldn't handle it anymore, what I did to you, my mum, everything, and the only thing that I could figure was the best thing was to leave... you'd be rid of me, as would my mum, and it would all be sorted, nothing good would have come from me staying"

"Well, I guess we'll never know... will we?"

"No" I hang my head in shame, running away now seeming the wrong decision, "I was a coward"

"Yes. You were"

"I'm not the same person as I used to be"

"I don't care"

"Then why are you here?"

"I don't know" We're silent for a few minutes, none of us knowing what to say, and I can't stop myself asking the one question that I need an answer to...

"Would things be different with us if I had stayed?" She hesitates, her forehead creases and her hand playing becomes more erratic, her eyes still staring at the floor, as they have been since she came,

"I can't answer that"

"Why not?"

"Because you don't deserve an answer" Now she looks at me, her voice strong, her eyes strong, "You coming back is not going to change anything. I'm with Jimmy, I love him, I don't love you anymore, I stopped loving you a long time ago, do you understand?"

"Yeah... I understand"

"Good" She stands up, walking to the door. I pick the even smaller pieces of my heart up and I throw possibly the lamest apology I can at her,

"I'm sorry" It's sincere, but it doesn't even begin to cover the amount of pain I caused her. It stops her in her tracks though. Her head lowers, but a second later and she's walking out the door, and I'm sat staring at it.

*******************

It will get more angsty =D I love a bit of angst.

Don't worry, there will be some ahem... action... in the next few chapters, but with whom, I haven't decided =P


	6. Chapter 6

Still bloody tired! So apologies again, I've just read through it and made sooo many mistakes, so forgive me if I've missed some.

The plot thickens...

***********

Chapter Six

One week has passed since our conversation. I'd thought that maybe they'd be a little progression, a little conversation, but no. She's almost ignored me.

I say almost because she speaks to me when Jimmy is around. I generally leave the room. So as I'm sat on my bed, now reading another book that I had picked up, due to the lack of luck with the job search, I hear her walk in.

Jimmy was practising on COD, but I hear the gunshots and the yelling waiver as she closes the door behind.

I swear these walls are as thick as paper. I can hear almost every single word. Sometime's all I can hear is mumbles, but knowing both of them as well as I do, I can tell exactly what they're saying simply from their tones.

"Where's Emily?" My heart skips,

"In her room, why?" It goes silent. I hear a chuckle, and then some small banging. I sit up in my bed, my ear lifts, facing the door, I, for no apparent reason, seem to think that doing this will help me hear better, naturally I find that it doesn't. "Now?" I hear Jimmy say, and from his tone, it's good for him, bad for me. "She might hear" He argues again, but I know how persuasive she can be... gah fuck sake. I climb out of bed, walking towards the stereo, I turn my music on as loud as it can possibly go before going back to bed.

Suddenly the door bursts open and Jimmy is standing there red faced, "Turn it down, fuck" he says, covering his ears, "You going deaf woman?"

"No, I hear absolutely fine, and I don't want the sound of you two fucking to be all I hear for the rest of the afternoon" I cannot stop the bitterness that falls from my lips, and I see Naomi smirking behind Jimmy, and I feel my anger boil,

"Sorry"

"What have you got to apologise for?" Oh, now she pipes up.

"It's rude" he says, torn between the two of us,

"It's your flat" she argues, "Come on" her face changes, her seductive eyes locking onto him. Now I have to witness this, let alone hear it. I've heard of Karma, but this takes the absolute piss! I see as she pulls him out the doorway, pulling him away. He doesn't bother shutting the door, so I stand up, shutting it, if this wasn't torture enough I had to look down the hallway as I shut the door.

Jimmy pushes her up against the wall, her head rests against it as he attacks her neck. Her hands rake through his hair as he lifts her up. She giggles as she wraps her legs around his waist.

More giggling ensues and she turns my way. Her eyes change, her mouth no longer smirks from sexual gratification, instead she looks solemn. If only for a short while. Jimmy picks her up and, using his foot to push the handle down on the door he proceeds to kick it. Naomi starts giggling again, and I walk back into my bedroom. I sit back on my bed, my knees lift up to my chest as I start to hug them. Some random song plays on the radio, but I can't get the image of them out of my head.

All I can see is him taking her clothes off, loving every single inch, every single curve of her body, tasting it, teasing her... and worst of all, her enjoying it. I pick up my book, but even though my stereo is on it's loudest, I can still hear them. I growl, quietly of course. I slam my book down, grabbing my coat I throw it on, and as I turn the stereo off I wish I hadn't bothered.

Something you have to understand, as I said before the walls are as thick as paper, my room happens to be next to Jimmy's, and my stereo sits on the wall between our rooms, so as I turn my stereo off, I hear possibly the worst thing I could hear, sexually anyway. Naomi moans, her breathless voice says 'I want you inside me, just fuck me'. I cringe, getting even cruder images of the outcome of that demand now run through my mind, I walk back to the bed, grabbing my book.

I've got to get out of here.

I have no idea where I'm going, and I'm sure to be quiet as I leave. I know I should listen, I need to listen, I need confirmation that we are over, but I just can't bring myself to. I walk past a quiet little coffee shop, I stop, looking in. Your usual coffee shop; tables, chairs, sofas and possibly the comfiest looking arm chair currently sitting unoccupied.

I walk in, going up to the counter. A pretty brunette smiles at me, "Hi, what can I get you?"

"What's good?" I ask, glancing up at the menu above the counter,

"Personally, my favourite is the caramel Late. Beautiful" She smiles wider at me.

Is she flirting with me?

I feel a slight blush taint my cheeks, and then look away, gaining some composure I look up, "That sounds great" I smile widely. I glance at the badge on her apron, Charlie.

Definitely gay.

I'm going to let you in on an embarrassing secret. I haven't gotten any for about 18 months. 18 long fucking months. Literally sitting on a chair wrong gets me excited.

So as she's making me the caramel late I can't help but check her out. She has a nice figure, curvaceous figure. Under her apron she's wearing a tight fitting black top. I glance up to her face, she's wearing make-up, but it's subtle, slight eyeliner makes her hazel eyes stand out. Her small but pouty lips purse slightly as she struggles with the coffee maker. Her long dark hair which is put up into a messy ponytail only heightens my sudden arousal.

It's been a loooong time.

She smiles at me, I look away, realising I've been rumbled. But she doesn't say anything, she continues making the coffee. I fiddle with the slightly frayed corner of my book. She passes me the mug, and smiles again, "So you like a good horror story then?" I frown at her, and she points to my book, "The master of horror to be precise"

"Stephen King? Yeah, he's a fantastic writer"

"I can't say I've ever read any of his books, I've seen the movies"

"The only movie that does his writing any justice has to be The Green Mile, there are only two or three things different in the film compared to the book"

"Oh, really? I love that film, what's different?"

"I can't tell you that I'm afraid" I smile devilishly, and she laughs lightly,

"Why is that?"

"I'm hoping a little mystery will make you read that fantastic book" She chuckles, "Everybody must read it, it's amazing" I blush, suddenly feeling like such a geek.

"What's your name?"

"Emily"

"Emily" She repeats, now eyeing me up and down. "I'm Charlie"

"I read" She smiles again.

"That'll be £2.75" I reach into my pocket, handing her the money. She walks to the till, the smile still on her face. She gives me the change and leans against the counter. I grab the mug,

"Thanks"

"No problem" I walk to that comfy chair and sit down, opening the book to where I'd left it.

I don't do much reading, instead eye fucking is now my current game of pleasure.

She looks like she's fantastic in bed. Fuck, I need to calm down, my emotions, and my arousal, is running away with me. It's about half an hour and she walks over to me, "I've noticed you've finished" She starts wiping down the table beside me, "How was it?"

"Delicious, thanks for suggesting it"

"What I'm here for" She glances around the shop, noticing that there are no longer any other customers in, she sits down on the chair beside me, "So are you new here?" I laugh, and she cringes, "I know that is so cheesy, it's just I haven't seen you around"

"I moved away for a while, and came back"

"Oh" A customer walks in, and she sighs, "Hi ho" I giggle as she walks to the counter. She serves them and walks back to me. "Would you like another?"

"No, it's ok thanks, I better head back home"

"You want a coffee to go?" She raises her eyebrow. And I quirk mine up,

"Yeah, ok then" I follow her to the counter. Waiting for her to rustle up the coffee. She places the plastic cup on the counter and smiles, "How much?"

"On the house"

"Thanks" I smile, "I'll see you around"

"Yeah, I hope so" I turn back around as I walk out of the little shop, now having a spring in my step. I take a sip out of my coffee and nearly spit it out, I giggle once I swallow, turning the cup around is a little note; 'Charlie 0759845627'

Definitely have a spring in my step now.

I walk back into the flat, with a hint of a smile on my face. I can't hear any sexual noises, and I can't hear any snoring. I hear some rattling in the kitchen. I walk in, and sit down on the couch, Jimmy and Naomi are cooking something, "What you smiling about?" Jimmy asks as he walks over, in his boxers,

"Eugh, put it away" I cover my eyes, and he giggles,

"You've seen it all before Ems"

"Yeah, and I wasn't impressed then nor am I now" He giggles again,

"You have no idea what you're missing" I wink at him,

"You're right, and I don't want to know either" I slap his stomach,

"Well there is certainly a smug smile on your face, so do tell" I hand him the coffee cup,

"I'm developing faith in this place once again" I smile, and he frowns,

"You had a coffee? Big deal"

"Spin" He does and laughs,

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes" I smile,

"The hot coffee girl" I hear Naomi clear her throat, and Jimmy turns round, "Not hotter than you babe"

"That's better" She says, completely unimpressed,

"Tell me you didn't"

"No, I didn't... I just had coffee and read my book"

"Kudos" He grins, "Are you gonna ring her?"

"I'll probably text her tomorrow"

"Playing it cool are you? I'm amazed" I frown at him,

"Why?"

"I thought you'd be dying for a shag... I mean it has been a while" Fuck.

"Yeah, don't remind me"

"18 months? Right" He laughs again,

"Do you like being able to breathe?" I throw him a glare, and he laughs all the more, before I promptly wind him, and he looks like I've just castrated him, "I did ask, and I don't like being ignored" I giggle before sitting back down, switching the telly on.

"So that's why you were arsy earlier?" He sits down next to me, "Jealous that I was getting some and you weren't"

"Yeah, something like that"

"Don't worry, I've seen you in action in your more evil days... you could get a girl to drop her pants in five seconds if you wanted to" I glance behind me, and I see that she's hanging onto every word.

"Yeah, that was then"

"It's just like riding a bike" He pats me on the shoulder, "You want some dinner? Fajitas?"

"Sure, need a hand?" I stand up, looking between the two of them, he shrugs,

"You can do the salad if you want" Naomi shrugs,

"Can I leave you two to it, I need a shower?" Jimmy asks, and we both nod. He runs off to the shower, and as we both hear the water running and the doors close, the tension starts.

"18 months, huh?" She laughs, and I ignore her, "I'd have thought you'd have loved being single, you know, fucking every girl in sight, not that being in a relationship stopped you doing just that" She jumps as I slam the knife onto the side, calming myself I ignore her again, "I guess some things never change, I hear the coffee girl is an easy lay, shouldn't be hard for you then"

"Careful there Naomi, you're starting to sound jealous"

"Why would I be jealous? I've got Jimmy, he's a great shag, a great guy, all that I would ever need" I turn around and walk to the sink, ready to wash the lettuce,

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that"

*******************


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you very much for the comments. It's a refreshing change for people liking the angst lol.

This one isn't as angst filled as the others... there is Naomily interaction at the beginning, and a slight insight into why Naomi is the way she is at the end. Don't worry, besides from the ending to this there will definitely be more angst to come, this is only the beginning! Lol.

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Chapter Seven

"What?" Now it's her turn to slam the knife down. "What did you just say?"

"Deaf as well as delusional now?" I say, turning the tap on, She laughs, "Look, I get it, your with Jimmy now, you have no feelings for me, so why do you feel the need to torture me, I know it's not the ideal situation, and I can only apologise, but I don't have to"

"Why should I have to change? You want me to stop coming round, stop sleeping with my boyfriend?" Now I chuckle to myself,

"Earlier was for my benefit, love"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes"

"How so?"

"For a start you walked in and asked if I was here"

"And?"

"Then you made a point of looking at me while halfway through shagging, then you got jealous when I mentioned the coffee girl"

"I'm not fucking jealous, ok, you can do whatever you want, you have done for the past three years and haven't spared a thought for me, why should I start caring now?"

"That's not true"

"Oh, it is"

"No it's not, you are all I've thought about these past three years..." she stops, "Do you honestly think that I've only come back to get you back? A part of me does, and trust me, that part is getting weaker by the fucking minute, but I've changed, Naomi, I'm not the same person that did that to you, and I need you to see that, I need you to forgive me so I can finally move on, I know it's a lot to ask, but that is the biggest mistake of my life and I've regretted it ever since, I feel it every day, I see your broken face every time I close my fucking eyes, so don't you dare stand there and say I never cared and that I completely forgot you as soon as I left, because trust me, I haven't"

"All about you... as usual" She says, her voice ever so quiet. I slam the lettuce into the sink, turn and look at her,

"Oh, you know what, go fuck yourself" I storm out of the flat, not knowing exactly where I'm going, but my feet seem to carry me to the one place I really shouldn't go. "Double vodka and coke please" I say to Keith, and he smiles. I sit down at the bar, my feet tapping away with anger. I rip a beer mat to shreds, and as Keith puts the vodka down I reach into my bag getting my purse out,

"This one's on me, Keith" I hear a familiar voice behind the bar. Keith shrugs, and Cook nods, "Alright darling" He says, hanging onto the pumps as he gets closer to me, "I didn't know you were back"

"I've only been back just over a week" I say, sipping my vodka, "You got any ice, Cook?" I ask, and he smiles,

"Sure thing"

"So you work here now?"

"Yeah, a little extra job on the side when Uncle Keith needs me, it's not bad" He seems tamer, "Why are you back?"

"You know what? I have absolutely no idea" I laugh, and he smiles,

"Blondie?" I look at him, and just by doing that he understands, "Couldn't have picked a worse time Ems"

"How so?"

"She's finally settled down..."

"Finally?" I frown,

"Yeah, she went off the rails a little after you left... a lot actually"

"I don't need to hear this" I hang my head down, my hands acting as a rest,

"You do"

"I do" I agree, I neck my drink and he takes it out my hand and makes me another, He places the drink down in front of me and smiles again, "Just let me have a few of these and I'll be right with you" I laugh, tipping my drink up slightly to him before I neck half of it again,

"Alcohol, drugs, casual sex... she was like it was for a while... all of us were worried"

"Then?"

"I don't know... she stopped talking to me about two years ago now. I hear she's got a boyfriend"

"Yeah" I laugh, "My best friend... who I'm living with"

"Ah, shit" He says, laughing, "Karma really fucked you over, huh?"

"Big time"

"I think I need a drink now" He pours himself a vodka shot and Keith looks at him, "I'll pay for them Keith" He says, and he simply nods in return,

"So what happened between you two?"

"Katie... sweet and simply" I frown, "She sorted Naomi out, that included getting rid of all the 'bad influences' in her life" He actually used his fingers for that which made me giggle,

"You're not that bad Cook"

"Oh, I was, but I calmed down a bit now"

"Yeah I noticed, why?"

"I grew up, I had to" I nod, "I see her in here with her fella from time to time... She looks happy"

"Yeah... until I came back"

"It'll all work out babes... it always does"

"I don't know if I want it to though" I say, finishing my drink, and he laughs, pouring me another, "I mean I still love her, I think a part of me always will, but she's different... she's so bitter"

"What do you expect? You broke her heart, you were the first person she could be herself around, that accepted her fully, and then with everything that happened between you and your mum she thought it brought you closer, she really did think you were indestructible, and she let herself go, she gave you everything... everything..."

"And I fucked it up"

"Pretty much... not only that, you ran away" I growl,

"It seemed like the best idea at the time"

"For you maybe... but she needed an explanation, she needed to know why more than anything, and not having that closure... well" I neck my drink again, and he giggles, "Slow down there kid"

"Just give me the bottle" I laugh,

"Nah, but I'll let you get drunk, so we can catch up on the last three years" He smiles widely at me, I never thought I'd say this, but I actually missed Cook, a little. He has a very unique way of looking at things and is actually very perceptive, which is shocking, I can see the attraction that Naomi had to him.

*********

Three hours and a bottle of vodka later Cook walks me home, I say walk I actually mean carry. "You need to quiet now Ems, we're nearly there"

"What time is it?"

"A little after 10" He says, "Have you got your keys" He puts me down, strategically placing me against the wall while he searches me, to no avail,

"Whoops" I laugh,

"What number?" I shrug, and he starts pressing random buzzers, some answer and he simply says jimmy, and they hang up. Then he gets to the right one, "You are a pain Miss Fitch" He says as Naomi answers, "Jimmy?" He asks,

"No, he's in bed, who is it?"

"Cook, I've got Emily... she's in a bad way, can you buzz me in please?" I hear Naomi contemplating it, but in the end the door buzzes and I'm being picked up again. The next bit is pretty much a blur.

I can hear the two of them having a discussion, "I'm not taking her" I hear Naomi,

"Look, I've gotta get back to work, can you just take her please and make sure she's ok?" Cook reasons, "After all it is your fault why she is in this state"

"Fine, but I'm not carrying her, take her into the living room"

"I'm fine" I laugh over Cook's shoulder, the floor suddenly spinning, "Cook that's not funny" I slap him, "Stop spinning"

"I'm not" He laughs before almost throwing me onto the couch,

"Woah..." Now the entire room is spinning,

"What the fuck have you done to her?" Naomi asks,

"Nothing, she did this to herself, look, I'm completely sober!" He argues. He leans down in front of me, a grin sitting on his face, "Get some water babes, and I'll see you soon, good to see you again" He kisses my cheek,

"Bye Cook" My arm flies up into the air and waves, all he does is laugh. The door closes and Naomi comes towards me, looking at me cautiously,

"Are you gonna be sick?"

"Nope"

"I bet, come on" She says as she approaches me, hesitating a little bit, "Sit up" She says, and I do as I'm told, I'm in no position to argue,

"What are you going to do with me?"

"Put you to bed" She says as she wraps her arms around my waist, pulling me up, "Walk" She demands, and I do as I'm told, my body suddenly leaning to the right, pulling Naomi with me, "Fuck sake"

"Sorry" I slur, we make it to my room, and she pulls me in front of her, her arms still around my waist, resting on my back, she leans down slightly, still steadying me with her arm as she pulls the covers away with her other arm. She pushes me down into bed and takes my shoes off. As soon as she does I curl up into the foetal position, the covers being thrown over me, and she disappears.

Not for long though as she walks back in with a pint of water and a bucket. "Water" She points to the glass, and I nod, "Bucket" I nod again, "It'll be down here if your sick, I aint cleaning it, doing this is bad enough"

"Sorry"

"So you should be" She says as she walks away,

"I'm leaving tomorrow" I say, getting comfier in bed, "You'll get what you want"

"What?" She stops and turns around,

"I've decided... there's no point staying"

"Your mum"

"There's only two people that have ever loved me and taken care of me, and the only one I haven't fucked over is Sal... I can't stay here"

"Don't leave cause of me" she says quietly,

"Why? You hate me"

"I don't hate you" I laugh,

"Well you're good at acting like you do"

"I don't hate you, Emily" She sighs, "I wish I did, it'll make all of this so much easier" She crouches down, looking at me, "But I do love Jimmy" I close my eyes, "He's what I need right now"

"I know, he's a great man"

"Yeah" She sighs again, and I feel myself falling asleep. Then suddenly I feel her fingertips on my face, brushing my hair away, "Why can't I hate you?" she sighs again, standing up and walking away, I open my eyes, a tear escaping, sliding down my cheek,

"I really am sorry" I say, my voice so little, so weak, she stops in the doorway, her head lowers,

"I know... get some sleep" She says before turning the light out and shutting the door.

*****************

A little shorter than usual, but I need all the sleep I can get tonight I'm afraid. There might not be one tomorrow or Saturday, only might though.


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry about the lack of updates, it's been one hell of a weekend again. This one may seem a little quick paced because I'm trying to get past the bitterness a little, don't worry there will still be angst, but there also has to be a base to the 'relationship' if something is going to happen in future chapters... this chapter tries to show this, a little.

Thank you for the reviews and comments, love them! And you guys of course!

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Chapter Eight

It's been a week since that drunken incident. Although I was completely smashed and didn't even know what time of day it was, I was still able to remember every single thing that happened.

I just pretend I don't. It's easier that way.

I can honestly say that I am as confused as ever, I woke up the morning after Naomi's slight confession, and I don't know, something just didn't feel right anymore. Something deep down inside of me changed, it was almost like a switch had been flipped. Gone were the questions that I need to ask Naomi, the answers I yearned for and the forgiveness I so desperately craved, and in its place deep realisation.

Naomi is happy with Jimmy, I thought some of it was for my benefit, but I hear them, I see them together and I can see it, they are in love with each other. Her beaming smile is all the more apparent whenever she is near Jimmy.

Most of these times witnessed neither of them have known that I've been intruding on their moments. So I can't have an answer for her behaviour. She is over it all. Over me, over what I did, everything.

I still have all these strong feelings, but I couldn't have lost her to a better person. Well, I say lost, but I really mean given.

She still has slight animosity towards me, which I can completely understand, I don't push her anymore, I don't flaunt anything, we simply are acquaintances. Which I suppose is a hell of a lot better than not seeing her at all.

She's becoming more... what's the word... open with me. It's almost as if I'm earning her forgiveness simply by letting her be happy. I'm quite liking the fact that I no longer make her miserable. It's a bittersweet situation really. I want her, but I like seeing her happy, even if it's not me that is making her happy.

I've even got myself a job, working behind the bar at Keith's pub. It's actually quite enjoyable, it's where everybody drinks and it's always busy so I like it. I've been working there for the last three days, I work a lot of hours, but then I suppose that's a good thing, I'd rather be working than sat at home witnessing what I should have had. In fact I've been there this morning. I kinda have two jobs, I work the bar on a night time, and then twice a week I'll work in a morning cleaning. Or so I've been told, today was my first day of cleaning. Again, not rocket science, but enjoyable. Especially seeing as Cook is there most of the time.

I'm finding my feet here. Being independent.

I walk into the flat, my iPod plugged into my ears. It's only about 11am, so I walk to the couch grabbing the paper which is sat on the table in front. My iPod still plays so I don't disturb anybody.

I love the shuffle button, especially when you have a high capacity MP3 player, is it just me or do you forget about certain songs? You'll hear a new song that you get completely obsessed with, or a new band and you will listen to them constantly, but on a day where you can't make up your mind on which songs to listen to you turn the shuffle on, and you rediscover old bands which you had completely forgotten. Old bands which are absolutely fantastic and bring out old memories which make you smile, or cry.

I'm having one of those moments now. After I left Bristol I really got into this band, 'Trading Yesterday'. Completely obsessed is actually the word, but anyway, their album was stored on my iPod, and I'd listen to it constantly, then I became obsessed with another band, which I've now forgotten. Suddenly 'Trading Yesterday – Shattered' comes on. My heart picks up as a smile graces my lips. I love this song. I turn the iPod up as far as it will go and just sit and chill. This song always made me think of Naomi. Today is naturally no exception.

Once the song finishes I decide to play their album. So as I sit, catching up on the daily news I have possibly the best hour of 'me time' I've had for a very long time.

That is until somebody scares the shit out of my by tapping me on the shoulder. I almost jump out of my skin as I turn and look at the culprit. Naomi stands smiling, I pull the headphones out and laugh, holding my heart, "Sorry, you were in your own world... I was wondering if you wanted a cuppa?"

See what I mean about being more open?

"It's ok, just rediscovered a band... yeah sure, if you don't mind" She still smiles devilishly, she always was one for making people jump,

"Nah, I'm making one, Jimmy is still in bed and you're here, so why not ask?"

"Ok" I turn my iPod off. Sitting back on the couch, but turning sideways so I can still interact with her. My phone buzzes besides me, as I look I smile, Charlie.

We've been texting for a few days and I really am starting to like her. A lot. I haven't seen her since that day at the coffee shop, but we've still been texting, 'Morning love' is the simple text I got, as I text her back Naomi puts the cup on the table and sits down next to me, she coughs, and I look up at her. "Thanks" I say for the tea, picking it up off the table, taking a sip. We're sat in silence for a little while, and trust me, its not comfortable.

"How's work?"

"Good" I sit up, my leg tucking beneath my bum, getting more comfortable, "It's easy, but it's good thanks, you're back soon aren't you?" It's always awkward whenever one of us makes conversation.

"Yeah, school opens next Monday" She's a trainee teacher. Rather than going to University she got a job at a school when she finished college and has been working her way up that way. So Jimmy tells me...

"Looking forward to it?" She turns her nose up, and I chuckle,

"I love it, don't get me wrong... but after you've just had some time off it gets a little annoying when you have to go back to work"

"Yeah, I know what you mean" Then the awkward silence falls on us both, the only interruption being my phone. 'I think we should go out on a date, are you up for it?' Is Charlie's text, my eyebrow quirks, and with that Naomi asks,

"What's up?"

"Uh..." I laugh a little, "Charlie just asked me out"

"Oh" She clears her throat, her eyebrows raise and her eyes widen. She shifts in her seat slightly, "Are you going to go?" She asks, taking a sip of her drink,

"Yeah, sure... why not?" Naomi shrugs, but I ignore it as I text Charlie back; 'yeah sure, when and where?'

But as I send the text, about a minute later my phone rings, and it's her. "She's ringing" I say, holding my phone out like it's some alien object,

"Well answer it then" Naomi says, impatiently,

"Hello"

"Hiya" She says, "I can't be bothered texting, so I figured ringing you would be quicker" She giggles nervously, "I hope that's ok"

"Yeah sure, that's fine, how are you?"

"I'm good thanks, just getting ready for work, you?"

"I'm great thanks" She clears her throat, again, nervously.

"So, about this date"

"Yeah?" I smile,

"What do you want to do?"

"Me? I'm not fussed really... it's entirely up to you"

"Ok, ok..." She starts thinking, "Cinema is a bit too impersonal, dinner is a bit formal, how about a coffee?" I giggle,

"Sure, sounds good to me"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, well, I like coffee... so" She laughs again,

"Don't worry, it won't be where I work, that'll be... weird"

"It doesn't matter where it is really"

"Yeah, I suppose"

"Are you free tonight?" I ask,

"Yeah, I'm working until 5, so I'm free anytime after that"

"What time is your place open til?" I ask,

"8"

"How about I meet you at your place at 6, and we'll have a coffee and then see where the night takes us?" I feel excited about it already,

"Yeah, that sounds like a great idea" I can sense that she's smiling simply by the tone of her voice, "It'll give me chance to get home and get changed"

"Yeah, well I guess I'll see you at 6"

"You sure will"

"Bye" She says bye before I hang up, and I can't help the excited squeal that comes out as I put the phone down. I calm myself and finally look at Naomi, who looks a little bit miffed.

Oh no.

"So you got a date tonight?" She asks, her voice trying to hard...

"Yeah" I say quietly, I wanna ask her if it's ok... but I decide against it.

"Will you be... uh... bringing her back... I mean, so that I can warn Jimmy and we'll uh. Make ourselves scarce?"

"No, no." I say quickly, "It's only our first date" With this she raises her eyebrows, and I resist the urge to ask her 'what'. "Shit" I panic,

"What?" Naomi asks,

"I've got no money... bollocks, I don't suppose Keith would give me an advance, fuck" I panic, grabbing my phone ready to ring him, but Naomi stops me,

"I'll give you some"

"No, I can't let you do that"

"Why not?" She frowns, "Look, it's no problem... I know where you live so it's not like you can get away with not paying me back now is it?" She giggles, "I honestly don't mind"

"I'll ask Jimmy" I say, and she frowns again,

"Why? I said I'd give you some, honestly, I don't mind" she's getting irritated,

"I do"

"Why? You've done far worse to me than borrow some fucking money" I'm taken aback by that, as is she, "I'm sorry... I have no idea where that came from" She looks shocked with herself,

"It's ok" I say, she stands up and walks to her bag, pulling her purse out she walks towards me, handing me £50 over,

"Just take it, please"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure" She shakes the money and I take it diligently,

"Thanks"

"Just pay me back when you can, there's no rush"

"As soon as I get paid I'll give you it, I promise"

"You don't need to promise, I trust you" She regrets that almost as soon as she says it, I can see it on her face. "Uh"

"Yeah, uh... thanks again, I'm gonna go get a shower" I frown, not really knowing what to do with myself. I walk to the bathroom, and as soon as I shut the door I breathe a sigh of relief. The money she's just given me still in my hand. I put it down on the sink and stare at myself in the mirror. I hear Naomi clinking about in the kitchen and I don't know what to think.

My stomach is flipping like crazy and I have absolutely no explanation as to why. It does this every now and again. I know it's not because of Charlie, the only person who has ever had the ability to make me feel like this is now taking her frustration out on the dirty dishes in the kitchen.

There is this tension between us that I can always feel. It will only take me saying one thing wrong and she gets agitated. She gets angry and then will explode for a mere second, and then apologise. It's been like this for the past week. Maybe she regrets saying those things she did, but then she assumes that I've forgotten, I don't know what it is, but I can't see us being bosom buddies again.

It's almost as if she speaks simply to drown out the awkward silence which always sits among us. It feels like she doesn't actually want to speak to me, doesn't actually want to spend time with me, but being in this situation forces her to do both of those things.

I guess it is a pretty fucked up situation, when you really think about it. I have to put up with it, simply because I have nowhere else to go. We have to keep up this pretence that we have never met before two weeks ago, and that is hard. Especially when we know so many things about each other. I forever have to think things through thoroughly, even making a cup of tea for her is complicated... I slipped up the first time I made her one, I never asked how she had it, in fact I repeated how I used to make it for her and she nodded. Jimmy did seem confused as to how I knew, but in the end a simple white lie about having made her one before quietened his fears.

It's other things though, like when Jimmy suggested making her a Lamb dinner as a surprise, and without even thinking I said she didn't like Lamb. Which she doesn't, but he quizzed me on how I knew that. Another lie ensued.

I'm having to lie to my best friend, to somebody I really care about and I do not like it at all. Yet I can't do anything about it, because either way it's a lose lose situation. If he finds out that I'm the one that broke Naomi's heart, that Naomi is the reason why I left. If he finds out that we've been lying to him...

I dread to think.

****************

Not proof read as I'm knackered again! Been a long weekend, I should really think about getting a beta! Any takers? Lol, if so message me...hope you enjoy!


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you for the comments =D You guys rock!

Catching up to the prologue now! I haven't written the next part yet but I know what I'm going to write, so the catch up scene will be the chapter after the next. If that made any sense =S

Not proof read again, had an absolutely knackering day at work, cannot wait for a day off! Although today was my first day back =[

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Chapter Nine

"Ok, deep breath" I say, after spending the last two hours deciding what to wear, eventually going for a casual dress/top with leggings, I step in front of the bathroom mirror. The only full length one in the flat.

We all know that every girl does, or has done at some point, a little show for the mirror when deciding what to wear, and if it looks good, first of all it's the front view, you breath in slightly, then turn to the side view, one hand on hip, you check yourself out, if satisfied you make the final change of pose and check if your arse looks good.

"Check" I say, feeling smug. I glace at my phone, 5pm. I run to my room, going over my hair with the straighteners quickly. I add a little more lip gloss before pouting to the mirror.

I seriously need my fringe cutting its getting up my arse! I grab a few hair pins off my desk and run to the bathroom quickly. I don't know why I'm rushing, but sod it. My head dips forward slightly, making the annoying clump of hair hover, I run my fingers through it before pulling it up as far as it will go, my finger twists before I push it down to the top of my head, I pull it forward slightly, creating a quiff, I open the hair pin with my teeth before putting it in the quiff, securing it, only for it to all fall out. I growl. I make the quiff again, and then unsuccessfully secure it again, "For fuck sake"

"What's up babe?" Jimmy pops his head round the bathroom door, "Wow, you look nice" He smiles widely,

"Thanks, but I can't get this fucking quiff pinned" I get agitated, the countdown to 6pm now fully in place.

"Want me to have a go?"

"If you want" He walks up to me towering over me, he tugs and pulls at my hair a little, and I feel him put the pin in place and I turn around and look in the mirror, "Yeah, that's shit" I laugh, looking at his pathetic attempt at a quiff,

"Ouch!" He feigns hurt before he giggles, "Well at least I tried, it looks ok down anyway"

"Yeah but it's too long, it's pissing me off"

"Naomi!" he shouts, and I quickly panic,

"No, no... I'll do it"

"You'll hurt yourself in anger, or worse, my mirror" He smiles, "Naomi!" he shouts again,

"No, it's ok"

"What?" She walks into the bathroom, her eyes scanning my body,

"Hair crisis" He says, "In need of another female"

"Your hair looks fine" She says to me, and I raise my eyebrow, I point to Jimmy's attempt at a quiff, and she chuckles, "Ok, come here" I feel nervous now. I walk towards her. She's hesitant, but she hides it well. Her hands lift up and take the pin out. My fringe just falls out everywhere, she scoops it up, her fingertips gently brush my forehead and I feel myself shiver, she feels it too. She looks directly at me as I blush slightly. She twists my hair and tip toes slightly as she secures it to my head. She fiddles with it a little before standing back, "There" She smiles, and I walk back to the mirror, I smile when I see.

"Much better, thanks" She nods before walking off.

"Crisis over" He smiles, "What time are you meeting her?"

"6"

"Nervous?"

"A little" I say, leaning against the sink,

"You want me and Naomi to make ourselves scarce?"

"No, no... I won't be bringing her back"

"I might not be here when you get back, the rents are going for a meal and I'm their designated driver"

"Fun" I smile, "Can't they get a taxi?"

"Nah, I said I'd pick them up"

"Is Naomi going to be here?"

"Oh, so you are planning on bringing her back" I smile,

"No... I'm not, I was just wondering"

"More than likely, we oughta move that girl in here she's here all the time anyway"

"Yeah" I laugh nervously.

****

Right, teeth brushed, just had a pee and now I'm leaving. It's 5:50pm, I'll be early, but I'd rather be early than late. "I'm going" I shout as I quickly grab my keys,

"Good luck" Jimmy shouts from the living room, Naomi doesn't say a word, but then I don't expect her to.

The walk is quick and I get here five minutes early, but as I'm approaching I see her stood nervously outside. Her foot taps against the pavement as she leans back against the wall. She sees me coming and smiles widely. I walk up to her and she smiles even wider, "Early, I like it" She embraces me in a hug, and as she lets go she kisses my cheek slowly.

"Better to be early than late" I smile nervously,

"My philosophy"

"So where are we going?" I ask, again nervously, "Sorry"

"What for?" She frowns,

"It's been a while since I dated"

"I'm not that nerve wracking am I?" She laughs,

"No, no..."

"Good..." She pauses "I was thinking that there's a nice quiet coffee shop about fifteen minutes away, it's quite busy in there now so we can't really talk"

"Sure, sounds good" I smile as she starts walking. I follow, catching up with her. She slows the pace down a little as we start talking, "So tell me about yourself" I blush, and she laughs cutely,

"Well my name and occupation you already know" She smiles, looking at me every now and then, "I'm 21, lived here my whole life, finished college about a year ago, I have no idea what I want to be so right now I'm just working at the coffee shop simply for money to go out with" I nod, "What about you?"

"Same really... I had lived here my whole life but I went to live with my aunt three years ago and I've just come back really, finished college up there and have no idea what I want to do either, so I'm working at Keith's pub" She nods,

"Oh yeah, I go in there sometimes it's... it's" She struggles,

"A shit hole" I laugh, as does she,

"Pretty much, but it's a good place to drink"

"Yeah"

"You mind me asking why you went to live with your aunt?" I cringe, "It's ok, you don't need to say" She smiles politely,

"Nah, it's ok. There were some issues with my mum, and a relationship went wrong... so I went to get away, start a fresh. Plus I was an arsehole back then"

"What changed?"

"My aunt Sal's foot up my arse" I laugh, looking at her, she giggles again. "Nah, she's just that kinda Aunt that is awesome in every single way, she's taught me some valuable things and I don't regret going at all" I smile,

"I wish I have an Aunt like that, mine are just spinsters who still live with my Grandma" She giggles,

"Really?"

"Yeah, they're in their 40s, never had a relationship, don't even think they've had sex"

"Wow" I raise my eyebrows,

"But they are happy like that, you know. They don't need somebody, personally I'd hate it, but hey, each to their own"

The chat pretty much consisted of things like that for the next couple of hours, just getting to know each other. It's about 8:30 and she suggests we go for a proper drink, just the one mind. I agree willingly, not actually wanting the date to end. "I'm having a really great time" She smiles as we walk to the pub, and possibly the first time since I've been back I smile widely, and actually mean it.

"Me too" We both feel embarrassed a little about our confessions, but as we carry on walking towards the pub I feel her hand touch mine. She intricately manoeuvres her fingers so that ours entwine, and a small smile graces my lips.

The rest of the night flows smoothly. I feel like I'm starting to like her a hell of a lot more, I haven't felt this happy for a long time. We spent the last two hours at a quiet pub, a roaring fire making the atmosphere very romantic.

Without meaning to sound cheesy I can feel a real connection between the two of us, and as we walk back to mine I resist the urge to invite her up. But she has other ideas. "Aren't you going to invite me up" She smiles seductively, and I panic a little,

"I want to, so bad... but I..." I sigh, "I want to take it slow" She lowers her head, before raising it again and smiling at me,

"Me too... I'm just curious about where you live" She smiles again,

"Ok, come on then" I unlock the door and we walk up the stairs my heart starts to pound... I hope they are in bed, I didn't see Jimmy's car outside... please let her be with him. But as I open the door and I hear the tv, I know that she's in.

"Wow, this is nice" She smiles, looking round.

"Yeah, it's actually Jimmy's place, my best friend, he's letting me stay with him"

"He's got good taste"

"And rich parents" I laugh. My eyes continually fall to where I presume Naomi is. And as we get closer to that area, sure enough she's sat there flicking through the channels. "This is Naomi, Jimmy's girlfriend" She stands up and approaches us, rather uncomfortably,

"Hi" She smiles, before eyeing Charlie up,

"Hi, I'm Charlie" She smiles widely, while Naomi scowls,

"Yeah" She looks at me, scowls again before sitting back on the couch, Charlie looks to me and shrugs, I just roll my eyes.

"I better get going" Charlie says, "Nice to meet you" Naomi simply waves her hand, infuriating me a little. I follow Charlie to the door, "Well, I had a fantastic night, I hope we can do it again some time"

"Definitely" I smile widely. She looks nervous again, and I feel her nerves, I want to apologise for Naomi, but that's for another time. She looks up at me, her eyes insecure a little, and I smile softly. I lean in, kissing her softly on the lips, before I pull away.

"Night" She smiles bashfully before making a way for the exit, but I stop her,

"Are you sure you don't want a lift?"

"Yeah, thanks, I'll be fine, I'll text you when I get home"

"Ok, night" She smiles again at me before I close the door. But my happiness is momentarily displaced as I remember how rude Naomi was. I walk to the living room, staring at the back of her head,

"Yes?" She says, her hand still flicking through the channels,

"Did you have to be so fucking rude?"

"I wasn't rude, you're rude for bringing her up here"

"Why am I rude?"

"This isn't your place, so I don't think Jimmy would appreciate you fucking random girls here"

"Look, Jimmy and I have already discussed this for your information and he doesn't care, so why don't you get that stick out of your arse and fucking grow up" I walk off, but she follows me,

"I haven't got a stick up my arse, I just think it's pathetic"

"What?"

"You feeling the need to make me jealous" I laugh, "Don't fucking laugh" She gets more angry,

"I'm not trying to make you jealous, am I supposed to sit and mope about what I did to you three years ago? Am I supposed to be waiting for you to come back to me? Am I supposed to be alone? No is the answer to all of those questions, we've both moved on why can't you just drop it?"

"I have dropped it, but that was for my benefit"

"No, Naomi" I say sternly, "It wasn't."

"Whatever"

"I haven't thought about you all night, not one little bit, apart from when she asked to come up here, and you know why I thought about you? Because I knew you'd be a bitch and make her feel uncomfortable... there was no need for that Naomi, your problem is with me, not her"

"Fine, but at least admit that was for me"

"No, I won't admit to something that isn't true, why do you care so much, you're in love with Jimmy, remember" Oooh, she didn't like that...

* * *

Hehe


	10. Chapter 10

Thank you for the comments, as always =D

Angst filled... but progress... or a decline, which ever way you want to look at it =P

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Chapter Ten

"What did you just say to me?" Her face almost turns a shade of purple, and I know I've pissed her off big time,

"You heard me, look at you, your fucking furious..."

"You're pissing me off that's why"

"No, you're furious 'cause I brought her back up her, why can't you just admit it?" She takes a deep breath but I simply shake my head, "I'm not gonna keep having this conversation with you, ok" I lift my hands up, completely defeated, "I'm not gonna keep arguing with you, I can't take anymore"

"You can't take anymore? That's fucking rich" She laughs, "I have to see you every day, I can't stop thinking about that fucking night in the toilets, I can't stop picturing it, I can't stop feeling how I felt, and _you_ can't take anymore" She laughs again, her voice shaky, "I relive that heartache over and over again"

"I'm sorry" Now she shakes her head,

"That doesn't quite cover the damage you've done"

"There is nothing else I can say or do, what do you want me to say?"

"Nothing, I don't want anything"

"You still care" I say quietly, "Otherwise why are we arguing?" She shakes her head again, her tongue peaks out, licking her lip as she looks away,

"Whatever Emily" She turns and walks away, but I reach out, I grab her hand, stopping her, "Let me go" She says, her voice weak, "Emily" She warns, barely any strength there,

"No, this isn't over" She turns around and before I can even say anything else my back hits the wall, my mouth opens in shock as she approaches me, her eyes so full of hatred, of pain that I'm scared, I'm scared of what's coming.

"This was over the second you left town. You were such a coward you didn't even stick around, you didn't bother to see if I was ok, you didn't even care, don't give me all this bullshit that you do because if you did you would have stuck around and faced the cards you were dealt, but running was the easy option." She practically shouts, "You have no right to tell me that this isn't over, trust me, it so is. You have no idea what I've been through, you have no idea how I was, I'm just getting my life back on track and here you come, waltzing in messing with my head" My body stays fused to the wall as she hails all this down on me, I need it, my eyes stare into hers, and I feel a tear threaten. I swallow, trying to get rid of it, but it doesn't go anywhere. I try to speak, I try to say anything, even a pathetic apology would do, but instead I stare, I stare at the person she's now become, and that's when I see it... a change. Her tense body relaxes a little, her eyes soften and as she's looking at me now the hate disappears. My stomach flips as I glance down at her lips. I can't stop myself.

But she does the same. She looks down at my lips, and then back up to my eyes. I see her leaning in slightly, her eyes looking at my lips again. My stomach does somersaults as she gets closer, but with one warm breath brushing against my moist lips she's walking away, her hand ruffles through her hair and she curses under her breath. "Fuck sake"

I step off the wall and watch, watch as she struggles with herself, I feel an immense feeling of guilt wash over me, but a split second later I feel as if a spectator, watching myself debating what I'm going to do about it. Naomi paces down the hallway, cursing to herself, her hand still messing with her hair. I feel myself move, but I can't stop. I can't stop myself walking over to her, with such speed that I shock even myself. As she turns she sees me coming, she doesn't have time to respond as the tables turn, her back is thrust against the wall but there is no hesitation this time. I attack her with my lips. My hands erratic. She doesn't fight me off, no instead she's the first to deepen the kiss. Her hands lift up, resting on my face before her arms pull my head closer, her tongue forcefully playing with mine.

She moans into my mouth as my hands stray to her hips. My body pressing into hers fully. She groans into my mouth, her warm breath washing over me.

All the old feelings that I used to get when I kissed her come flooding back tenfold, I feel as if I'm about to faint. My knees feel weak as I push her harder into the wall, feeling every single inch of her body with my shaking hands. My stomach has completely left me, it's so numb from the amount of butterflies flying around it. My skin tingles from where she's touched me and I just feel this huge bubble of warmth surround me as she groans into my mouth again.

I can't even comprehend as I'm being thrown across the room, her hands all over me as she pushes me up against the wall opposite, pictures fly off the wall as she kisses me with such passion, passion that I've never experienced before. Her lips leave mine as she kisses my neck, biting down so hard that I can feel small droplets of blood come out of my skin, and as she kisses me hard again I taste my blood. I grimace in pain but groan with satisfaction at the same time.

But suddenly she stops kissing me, and as I open my eyes she's at the other side of the room, she looks the epitome of grief, of guilt as her darkened eyes look to mine. Her hands lifts up to her swollen lips, her teeth gently gnaw at her thumbnail. "Don't ever do that to me again" She says, "I love Jimmy, I'm with Jimmy. That can never happen again, understand?" Her voice is emotionless, she stares at me, but she's not really looking at me, she's looking through me, I swallow all the emotions that I'm feeling, and with one broken nod I agree.

I physically cannot speak, I have no energy left in me, I have no energy left in me to argue with her. She's right, that should've never happened, I shouldn't have done that... I stand motionless as she disappears into Jimmy's room, slamming the door behind her. I stare at the wood for a few seconds before I wake myself out of my reverie. My mind is still all over the place after that kiss. I want so badly to go into the room and do it again, but I can't, I can never do that again, not while she's with Jimmy, my best friend... who's due home anytime now. I pick the pictures up off the floor, putting them back in their usual place. I walk to the kitchen, my mind is a complete haze as I lean against the breakfast bar.

I can't think, and as my tongue licks my lips I can still taste her, I can still taste my blood. My phone rings in my bag, as I grab it I feel completely and utterly terrible, 'I'm home, I had a really great time, I hope we can do again x' I feel the tears stream down my face.

What a fucking mess.

My shaky arms reach for the cupboard, grabbing a glass I fill it with water and take it to my room. As I open the door, the front door opens and Jimmy walks in, "Ah, you're back" He smiles widely, and I feel like crying again, "How'd it go?"

"Can we talk tomorrow, I'm exhausted" I say, knowing that my eyes are puffy,

"Hey" He stops me as I'm about to walk into my room, "What happened? Is everything ok?" His eyes are so full of concern that it takes everything in me to stop myself breaking down,

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine" I plaster a smile on my face, "I'm just really tired"

"Ok, babes" he still looks worried, but I walk into my room, and as I'm closing the door he's still stood there, "Night"

"Night" I say, closing the door. As I know that he can no longer see me I break down, my legs no longer strong enough to hold my weight, I fall to the floor. I drop the glass of water, my hands no longer able to hold it. My hand lifts up, covering my mouth as I cry.

I can't take this anymore...

************

I'm not at work til later so I use this morning to lie in bed for as long as I possibly can. Charlie texts me, but I can't bring myself to answer her. I look at the clock, 12:10pm. There's a small knock on my door, and then without waiting for a reply Jimmy walks in smiling, a steaming cup of tea in on hand and some breakfast in the other. "Morning" He sits down on my bed as he hands me the cup of tea. I sit up and take it, taking a sip,

"Morning" I smile sadly, "Thanks" He passes me the toast,

"So..."

"It went well" I say, my body and mind still exhausted from last night's events.

"Why so sad?" He frowns,

"Just having one of those days, you know" I shrug, and he smiles sympathetically, I lean over and place my cup of tea on the bedside table, and as I turn back to him he's smiling widely.

"Must have gone well" He grins, and I frown. He points to his neck and I panic. "That looks nasty" He grins wider, my hand lifts up, covering it, and just the slightest touch to it and I'm wincing in pain, "Painful?" He asks, and I nod, "You don't waste any time huh?"

"It got a little heated"

"I can see... did you do the dirty deed?"

"No"

"Ah, too bad" He coughs anxiously, meaning he has something to ask me, but daren't,

"What?" I take a bite of my toast,

"Did Naomi seem... I mean... Was something wrong with her last night when you got back?"

"I don't know, why? What's happened?" I panic, but he doesn't notice,

"She's just been... weird"

"In what way?" I take another bite, my heart beating a thousand times a minute,

"Subdued" he clears his throat, looking to the door, "She doesn't seem interested in anything... let alone me"

"No, I didn't notice anything, I'm sure it'll be fine"

"maybe she's just having her period" He giggles, hiding the fear in his eyes. But I still catch it.

"Maybe" I smile sadly to him, "Just leave her for a while, I'm sure she'll get over whatever's wrong"

"Thanks" He smiles, "I'm gonna go clean the bathroom... take my mind off it" I giggle, he always was a weird one,

"Ok" As he walks out I put the toast down... I'm already hurting him...

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So it begins...


	11. Chapter 11

Ok, so I did write a chapter last night... but I felt the story wasn't ready for that part... I needed to add a couple of things. I had an idea where this story was going when I decided to do a sequel, in fact I ran it through with my best friend and he loved the idea lol... and so far it's on track. The chapter I wrote last night wasn't, so that'll be an upcoming chapter.

It was about 2am by the time I realised this, and I had to be up early because my car is fucked again *stupid machines!* so I literally couldn't possibly write another, so my apologies for no update last night. Anyway, this chapter is a bit like marmite, you'll either love it or hate it! Hopefully its the first.

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Chapter Eleven

I wake late, having worked til 3am this morning, my head is feeling fuzzy as I climb outta bed, my feet sliding into my leopard print slippers as I grab my robe which sits messily on a chair in the corner of the room. I put the robe on, opening the door, that's when I hear it: "There is fucking nothing wrong with me, you're being paranoid" Naomi shouts to Jimmy,

"I am not being paranoid, you haven't been right for the past week, I don't know what it is, but you haven't"

"I'm fine" She argues,

"Ok, so your fine translates to getting wrecked every night then crawling into bed and passing out"

"Is that the fucking problem, cause I haven't shagged you?"

"No, not at all, I know there is something bothering you, but you just won't tell me"

"There is nothing bothering me, can't you get that into your thick fucking head" She's really pissed, "Just fucking drop it, if it bothers you that much we'll go have sex now"

"I am not fucking bothered about the sex, I can live without out, I love you Naomi, and I know there is something wrong, just tell me"

"For fuck sake, read my fucking lips; there is nothing wrong with me"

"Are you pissed at me spending time with my folks?"

"What?"

"You haven't been the same since I picked them up last week, you've been moody, quiet, drinking every night... there is something wrong"

"I have told you a thousand times there is nothing wrong with me, ok?" She lowers her voice, "I'm stressed with work, that's all that's wrong"

"I don't believe you"

"Do what you want James" Oh, she is pissed, she only uses his proper name when she's angry, "I'm telling you the truth" Hell even I didn't believe that!

"Ok, fine... I'll drop it"

"Good" Jimmy growls,

"Fuck sake, I gotta get out of here"

"Fine leave!" She shouts, and that's when I step out, as he's barging past me, opening the door so powerfully that it slams against the wall. I frown at Naomi who looks every bit the guilty party in this argument, I follow Jimmy, running after him I stop him as he's about to go down the stairs,

"Jimmy" He takes a breath,

"Just leave me alone Emily, I can't take anymore of this"

"Calm down, ok"

"I am calm" He snaps my head off, but I don't call him up on it, "She's not being honest, she's not telling me what's fucking wrong with her, she's drinking like a fish and I don't know what to do, I'm scared Emily, I'm so fucking scared" he breaks down,

"Why are you scared?"

"She's gonna leave me, I know it"

"I'll talk to her"

"What good is that gonna do? You don't even like each other"

"Let me at least try" I reason with him, "Look, go to your parents, calm down, I'll text you when it's safe to come back, ok?"

"You won't get it out of her"

"Trust me, I will... just don't come back early" I add as an afterthought, "I'll let you know when it's safe" I don't want him coming back early in case he overhears what we talk about... I feel guilty, but something needs to be said,

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, anything for you" He leans down and kisses my cheek,

"Thanks"

"Go" I order him, and he does as he's told,

"Text me"

"I will"

I wait until I hear the front door open and close before I walk back into the apartment. I slowly walk towards the living room, seeing her sat on the couch, her elbows rest on her knees as her face is buried into her hands.

The floorboard creaks beneath me and her head snaps to mine, "What the fuck do you want?"

"To talk" She stands up, trying to walk away from me, but I stand in front of her, "Jimmy's gone to his parents, he's not coming back until I text him saying its ok"

"Got him on a tight leash haven't you"

"Don't start... I'm trying to help you"

"Ever since you got here you've done nothing but make things worse"

"I don't deny that, but that was never my intention, I want to make things right... As they were when I first got here, before you even knew I was here" She goes back to the couch, sitting down I go over to it, sitting next to her, keeping a safe distance though, "I've never seen him happier than when I saw him three weeks ago"

"I was happy"

"What changed?" She looks at me like I've just shat a goat, "Humour me" I say,

"You..."

"Why?" She shakes her head, looking to the floor she doesn't answer me, "Look, I need to know so I can decide what I'm to do"

"Why? What the hell can you do?"

"Leave"

"That's right, leave when things get tough, I almost forgot that was your forte"

"I'm not going to argue with you Naomi, you can try as much as you like but we need to sort this out"

"We don't need to sort anything out, this has got nothing to do with you"

"Oh yeah, what was last week?"

"You kissed me" She says, accusatory,

"You responded"

"Well... I didn't know what I was doing" I laugh, and this causes her to look up at me, I turn my head and point to my neck,

"Sure seemed like you did"

"What does it matter, you've got Charlie, I've got Jimmy, which reminds me, fucked her yet?"

"I haven't spoken to her since our date, actually" She looks shocked, "I've more important things to sort out"

"Oh yeah, like what?"

"You"

"Fuck off Emily, you're the reason I'm this way"

"I'm here now..."

"Yeah what a fat lot that does"

"Look, Jimmy was right... and I need to talk to you about it, cause I've noticed it"

"What?"

"You're drinking"

"You left your alcoholic mother here, what the fuck do you expect to accomplish by speaking to me, trying to make amends are we?" Her eyes widen as soon as she says that, she looks away, completely ashamed with herself, "I'm so sorry... I really... I don't..."

"That was out of order Naomi, even after what I've done to you... you know what..." I stand up, "I've had enough, I'm not going to be able to change anything, so I don't even know why I'm trying" I turn and walk away, but her arm stops me, pulling me back down to the couch,

"No. You wanted to talk, lets talk" she sighs... "I hate you" She starts, and I'm a little shocked, I wasn't expecting that at all, "I hate you so much for what you did to me... so fucking much, I hate you for that fucking bitch, I hate you for leaving, I hate you for coming back, but I hate you even more because I can't stop feeling the way I do about you... I've tried, so fucking hard... I met Jimmy, and for this first time in three years I actually felt like he was somebody I could spend my life with. I'd stopped thinking about you as much, I'd stop feeling my heavy heart, I'd stopped everything, and I just... was" she sighs, all the time she's said that she hasn't looked at me, she's leant forward, fiddling with her hands. Her eyes looking around the room, looking everywhere but me, "I do love him. I'm not lying about that" she sighs again, "I do."

"But..." I say, my eyes never leaving her, never looking away, watching every single movement, every single glance, everything, just so I don't miss anything. She laughs, she laughs for about thirty seconds, and it makes me nervous, now she looks at me. She looks me straight in the eye as she breaks my heart once more,

"I love you..." She says after she's finished laughing, "I've loved you since the moment we met, and I'll continue to love you until I die" my heart is shattered, all this time, all these years that I've spent running away from her, and it's just hit me, I never had to, I never needed to run away... "But it's not the same anymore" she looks away once more, "I can't trust you, I won't trust you, I won't let myself be that way with you anymore, I can't take anymore heartbreak, Emily. I just can't. Don't you see it, you must see it" A tear chokes her, "I'm half the person I used to be because you cheated, because you left. Before all this, before we were friends I never knew who I was... It took meeting you to find out exactly who I am, what I'm capable of, and then you did that... I've doubted everything ever since, the only thing I haven't doubted is Jimmy"

"Where does that leave me?" I ask quietly,

"Nowhere... I'm not coming back to you" She says quietly, "I'm staying with Jimmy" she clears her throat, "Last week... that was a mistake"

"It wasn't a mistake" I say, tears now filling my eyes, "I'm sorry, but if it was a mistake you'd have never let me kiss you..."

"It was a mistake... It meant nothing... I realised who I should be with because of that kiss" She looks at me, but I don't believe her.

"Yeah, and it scared you"

"What?"

"You can't sit there and tell me that it didn't mean anything, Naomi... you can't"

"Why can't I?"

"Cause it meant everything to me... and I know it did to you"

"You don't know anything" She says, not looking at me. It's at this point where I forget my morals, I forget everything I should do and go for the things I shouldn't. I forget about the problems, there is only Naomi and myself in this room, and that is all that matters to me right now,

"Oh really?"

"Yes" She looks at me,

"I don't know anything?" She's about to open her mouth and answer, but I stop her, I lean across the couch, my lips pressing into hers softly.

She's silent, she doesn't protest, in fact, she kisses me back. I pull away shortly after, our foreheads press together gently, "Now tell me that didn't mean anything, tell me you didn't feel anything and I'll walk away. I'll leave" A tear breaks free from her closed eyes as she sighs, her breathing becoming erratic. "Tell me" I say softly. Before I can register her lips are pressed against mine, her urgent hands lift up, cupping my face.

"I can't stand it..." She says, pulling away briefly, "I can't" The kiss is soft, gentle. She opens her mouth slowly, deepening the kiss.

This kiss is far slower, far tamer than the last, yet it has so much more passion than I thought possible. Her hands leave my face, they unfasten my robe, she pulls its open gently, still kissing me softly. Her hands gently trace up my stomach, evoking a shocked reaction from me. My skin almost on fire from where she's touching me. She leans forward onto her hands, pushing my back onto the couch. I don't stop.

Her body presses down onto mine, and I feel all the three years flush back to me at once, every single moment I laid awake hoping, praying that maybe one day I'll be back in her arms. I'll be able to make it up to her. I'll be able to be complete again. This kiss becomes deeper, more sensual, and as her fingers trail over my stomach she suddenly changes course. Her hand lifts up my boy boxers, while her other hand falls beneath the fabric, feeling how much I want this.

Her breath hitches as she feels who much I want her. Her fingers slide smoothly through my wet folds, causing a groan in me, a groan that comes from deep down inside.

Her perfect fingers push their way inside of me, my breath hitching, my back arching. I groan into her mouth again as she fucks me slowly with her fingers. Her lips haven't left mine yet, and I don't ever want them to leave again.

Her fingers pick up, the pace quickening. Her thumb flicks across my swollen clit, eliciting a loud almost scream from me. My back arching again. Her lips leave mine, kissing across my chest. Her free hand lifts up, cupping my breast as her mouth covers my nipple, taking it in her mouth she nips slightly, making a sea of liquid flush down to my centre.

My heart pounds as she quickens the pace even more, curving her fingers every now and then. Her lips and tongue kiss and taste everywhere. I can feel it. I feel the explosion about to erupt. I open my eyes and she's staring at me, her deliciously darkened blue eyes staring at me, watching, waiting, and with one curve of the fingers, and a flick of the thumb my entire body is hers. Writhing, twitching, everything is hers.

She continues to watch, as I have another orgasm, shocking even myself. My breath is short and shallow as I calm down. My heart beating a million times a second, my centre throbbing for her. She leans up, kissing my lips softly before she climbs off me. Her hand rifles through her hair, and that's when I realise it.

That's when it all falls into place, what I'd hoped that was, what I thought that was... I was naive. Because watching her now, watching the aftermath I know that that was goodbye...

**************


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry about no update last night... my internet was down due to the fucking awesome snow which now covers everywhere! I'm starting to get into the festive spirit now!

Thank you so so much for the comments, I know I sound like a broken record but you guys really are awesome, and a special thanks to those who have messaged me, it really means a lot! Feel free to message, I will reply, even its just a bollocking for where this story is at at the minute lol.

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Chapter 12

My pulse picks up, my heart shatters as I look at the broken girl sat beside me. She's so broken, I can sense it, I don't even need to look at her to be able to tell. Her breathing is shallow, her hair is messy, due to the incessant ruffling she keeps doing. My mouth opens to say something, but I realise there is absolutely nothing I can say to rectify this situation.

My heart is still beating a thousand times a minute, the previous action currently running through my mind, like an annoying song that you can't get rid of.

It meant a lot to me, that is completely undeniable, but at the same time, I'd take it back. I'd do everything in my power to make this sight in front of me disappear. If that involves going back in time three weeks and never coming back, never seeing her, nothing. I'd do it, because seeing her like this is something I cannot bear. She sighs, and I jump a little. My tear filled eyes blink, causing one stray, lonely tear to fall down my blushing cheeks.

"Say something" I say, so quietly, so heartfelt that as she shakes her head, my eyes fuse themselves shut, in fear of her turning round and looking at me, seeing those broken blue eyes is something I couldn't take.

"What do you want me to say?" She says quietly, and I open my eyes slowly, she's still not looking at me, her posture stressed, her head bowed, staring at her hands which are now fiddling with each other, "That shouldn't have happened"

"I'm sorry" I say, now my turn to look away,

"No you're not"

"I'm not sorry that it happened, Naomi, I'm sorry about the circumstances surrounding why it happened" She giggles to herself a little,

"I'm no better than you..." She laughs again, but I fear its to mask the sadness that is in her voice, "I'm worse than you in fact"

"How so?"

"You cheated on me... it broke my heart... it near killed me... and I've just done the same thing to Jimmy, only worse... I've slept with his best friend, I've lied, I've cheated, and I know full well how it feels to be cheated on" she laughs again, "And I cheated willingly... willingly, after knowing what I went through after you did it"

"He never has to know..." I say, hating the words as they fall out of my despicable mouth, hating the mere thought of lying more to him, of cheating him, of everything. Now she looks at me, "He doesn't"

"He'll know"

"No he won't"

"He already knows, he knows something is going on"

"What if I disappear?"

"What?" She says, her voice quiet,

"I'll leave... you'll never see me again... you can go back to Jimmy, like nothing ever happened, I won't stand in your way, I won't do anything, I'll leave, neither you nor Jimmy will ever set eyes on me again" She frowns, "If that is what you want" I clear my throat, clearing the tear that threatens again. Without hesitation, without breath, her reply almost knocks me off my feet, if I were standing anyway,

"I want you" She stares deep into my eyes, "I've always wanted you" she takes a breath, "Even after you cheated, after you left... I still wanted you, I loved you that much, I was willing to forgive and forget, but you never gave me the chance, if you had... we wouldn't be in this situation now" I'm flabbergasted, completely and utterly gobsmacked...

"And now?"

"I'm with Jimmy..." She looks away, "I may not love him how I love you, but I can learn to"

"Naomi-"

"No... You had your chance with me Emily..."

"But-"

"I know what I've said, I know what I've done... Don't you think I feel bad enough, without leaving him for a chance? For a few kisses and a quick fuck? Maybe what happened between us was a blessing in disguise, maybe we were never meant to be together, we might have never worked out... but Jimmy, he at least deserves a chance"

"Naomi, please... I know you're scared, I'm scared too, but please, don't do this" The tears are no longer stoppable, I can't contain them as she's running, she's running from me. "Please"

"You're right. I am scared, but Jimmy's good for me, he's a good man and I know he won't hurt me, ever... I can't lose that chance, I can't, I won't"

"I won't hurt you again, I've learnt my mistake, it was the biggest mistake I've ever made doing that to you Naomi" I sob, "Please, please just let me make it up to you, I'm promising you I will never hurt you again"

"But you are hurting me" She starts crying, but containing it better than I am, "I love you so fucking much... too much, so much that it hurts. Being around you, not being able to touch you, kiss you, it kills me Emily..."

"Don't throw it away, I'm here... I'm giving you what you want"

"Yeah, and Jimmy's heart is going to get broken, he doesn't deserve that. He's been great, he's a fantastic friend, an amazing boyfriend, he doesn't deserve this... he doesn't deserve any of this, Emily, it will change him. He loves me, I can't do that to him"

"So you choose him?" I wipe my eyes, forcing the tears to stop. "You choose him?" I repeat when she doesn't answer,

"I choose him" She says, wiping her own tears,

"Ok" I stand up, drumming up all the strength I can I walk to my room, grabbing a bag.

"What are you doing?" She follows me,

"Leaving, what does it look like?"

"No, you're not running away again"

"I'm not going to stay and watch you with him... this is bad enough, I can't watch you with him"

"Emily, please" She walks over to me, grabbing my hands, she stops me packing, I look up to her red eyes, she loosens her grip as her bottom lip starts to quiver. My hand lifts up and wipes away the tears that flow freely down her face,

"I love you too much to watch you with somebody else... I can't do it, I'm sorry"

"I can't lose you again"

"You made your choice, I don't blame you... I just wish things were different"

"I'm sorry"

"Don't" I walk away, packing some more of my things,

"Where are you gonna go?"

"My aunts again... I've nothing to stay round here for anymore" She's silent, watching as I pack all the things I need to, all the necessities.

All in all I pack around three bags, walking them to the front door and putting them down. I bring the last one out as Naomi stands at the door, holding one of them, "I'll take it to the car" She says, sniffing.

We're silent as we load them into my car. I hate this, I really wish I could take it back, I really wish I could... I slam the boot, both of us stepping away, I walk to the car door, opening it, but she slams it shut with her hand, "Stay" She says, leaning over me, but I walk around her, she turns and faces me, "Stay" She says again, and I feel the tears start again,

"I can't"

"For me?" My hand lifts up again, cupping her face. She leans into it, I lean in, kissing her softly on the lips. A brief kiss, and as I pull away I rest our foreheads together,

"I love you" I whisper. Her eyes well up again, but I walk away. I get into the car, closing the door, I start the engine, with one last glace I'm gone.

I can't bring myself to look in any of the mirrors, watch the mess that I've created. Instead of heading straight for Sal's I make one final visit.

As she opens the door I break down, my body falling to the floor like a sack of potatoes. My mother's arms surround me as she hugs me. She shushes me, like she used to do when I'd fall and injure myself, "It'll be ok" She says, but this only makes things worse. She lifts me up, taking me into the house. She sits me down on the couch and puts a cup of tea in front of me, waiting for me to calm down. My breathing finally steadies and my mother looks at me, in such a way that I've almost forgotten what it looks like... concern... love... all coming from my mother.

"What's happened?" She says, my shaky hands pick up the tea, blowing on it briefly before I take a sip, I place it back on the table in front of me and as I look into my mother's eyes, I realise that this i make or break.

As if one heartbreak wasn't enough, I had to chance two in the same night, "I'm gay" I say to her, she looks startled... her mouth falls open slightly as she looks at me again. She clears her throat.

"Right"

"Is that it? Aren't you going to yell at me, disown me? Hate me?" The tears threaten,

"Sweetheart" She tilts her head, "I love you. I know I haven't been the best mother in the world, but I'm trying to make up for it..."

"But you hate that I'm gay?" It's almost as if I'm asking for more heartache,

"I don't like it, but you're my daughter, no matter what. I accept you for who you are"

"Why don't I believe you?" I look at her warily, and she lowers her head,

"Emily, nothing you can say to me is going to make me lose you again. I've done some horrible things to you, unforgivable things, abandoning you now when you so clearly need me is only going to add to the guilt I already feel, do you understand?" I nod, blinking away another tear, "I know how it feels to lose you... I'm not about to do it again"

"Everything's a mess mum" I say,

"It may seem like it now... but it will get better"

"No. It won't. I'm in love with a girl... have been for years, she's one of the reasons why I left" I sniff, and my mum pays full attention to me, "I blew it... I came back for her, and I've blown it again"

"Maybe it wasn't meant to be" She says,

"She's in love with me too" Now she frowns, "It's complicated"

"Nothing's as complicated as it seems"

"It's Naomi" I sniff again, Number two shocker for mother.

"She's not in love with you" Oh for fuck sake,

"Katie, leave" My mother shouts, but Katie ignores her,

"Don't you fucking lie... she's in love with Jimmy"

"I'm not lying Katie... she loves Jimmy, but she's in love with me"

"I don't believe you"

"Believe what you want Katie, I really don't care at the minute"

"If she's in love with you, why isn't she with you?" Katie argues, and I roll my eyes,

"Because of the past, dumbass... she's chosen him..."

"You're a liar"

"Open your fucking eyes for once"

"I knew you coming back would ruin everything"

"Nothing is ruined, I'm leaving ok? Everything will go back to how it used to be, now fuck off"

"Katie, leave, now" My mother orders, and Katie does as she's told, "You're leaving"

"I can't stay... it's too much"

"But I've just got you back"

"I'm sorry... I can't stay, I can't see her with him" I feel guilty, because as I look at my mother right now, I realise that Jimmy's heart wasn't the only one at stake...

*************

I'll fix it! Don't worry


	13. Chapter 13

Again, I'm sorry for not updating last night, I wasn't feeling too fantastic, I had a shit shift at work and I just needed to sleep! I'm still not feeling 100%, but I owe everybody an update, seeing as I probably won't update much over the next couple of weeks, got a busy xmas and new years ahead of me! Lol.

Thank you so so much for the reviews, I really appreciate it. I have noticed that most of you have some questions, some queries... some of them will be cleared up in the next couple of chapters... but the biggest one is partially cleared in this one, kinda a cliffhanger =D hehe.

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Chapter Thirteen

With heavy, tired eyes I walk up to my old bedroom. My head spinning from today's activities, but I've been convinced into staying. At least for a short while.

My mother has shocked me, in all honesty. I never thought in a million years that she'd accept me being gay, let alone actually offer me a place to stay after. I guess she really is trying. She helped me unload my bags, but unfortunately Katie has been in her room while Mum and me spoke, so she has no idea I'm staying. I walk in, bag in hand, she eyes the bag and then looks at me, "No fucking way"

"Katie, please" I say, having no energy to argue,

"Mum!" She shouts, and I cringe, "Mum!" She shouts again, but she's being ignored, "You are not staying here, no way"

"Why do you hate me so much?" I ask, sighing, feeling the weight of today's decision being a heavy burden on my shoulders, "I'm your sister, Katie, and you hate me... why?"

"Cause you are a fucking idiot"

"Do you have to shout?"

"Oh, poor Emily has got a headache, poor, poor Emily"

"Grow up"

"I need to grow up? That's rich"

"Look, you have only a portion of the information about Naomi and myself, so I don't know how you dare fucking stand there judging me, you don't know what went on, you don't know why I left, hell you don't even give a shit, so why are you even bothering speaking to me?"

"She's my best friend, Emily" She raises her eyebrows,

"She's been your best friend since I left, I've been your sister since we were born, blood is thicker than friendship, or so I thought"

"Fucking grow up..." I laugh, my anger getting the better of me, I approach her and she looks scared,

"Don't you dare tell me to fucking grow up, you don't know the half of it" My finger lifts up and points at her, my teeth grind as she looks startled now, "You wanna fucking know? I made the biggest mistake of my fucking life three years ago, having you sit here and remind me of that isn't helping anybody... oh and to top it off the girl I'm in love with, who I've always been in love with feels the same way about me, but because of that mistake I fucking made... she chose him... my best friend. I don't care if you believe me Katie, I really don't fucking care anymore, just shut up with your wise ass cracks and snide comments, because I can't take much more, I really can't"

"She loves you?" She asks, I think the whole situation setting in her mind,

"Yeah, unfortunately"

"Why unfortunately?"

"If she didn't love me, walking away would be so much easier"

"Are you fucking stupid?" Now she's laughing, "You were gonna leave for Sal's again, weren't you?" I nod,

"So?" Now she's laughing,

"And you wonder why she chose him? You're running again, when things get too hard for you, you run, you don't stick around and see if it'll get better, you don't even give her chance to change her mind... it's beyond me why she loves you, it really is, you're a fucking coward, a fucking idiot"

"I don't need this" She stands up, getting in my face, her eyes now full of fury,

"No, this is exactly what you need. If you love that poor girl as much as you say you do, stay. Stick it out. You really think leaving will solve everything?" I shrug, "Well it won't. If it hurts for you to stay, fucking good. Might give you a taste of half of what she felt when you left. You weren't here, you didn't see her. I'm glad you didn't."

"I can't do it to Jimmy though"

"Look, you and Naomi go back far longer than you and Jimmy, he may have been a good friend to you while you were with Sal, but Naomi has been there for you for so many other things... you didn't even tell him about her for Christ sake. You didn't tell him about mum... you didn't tell him anything, how can you sit here and put him before her when you haven't even given him the chance to be half the friend that she was to you?"

"I suppose"

"I know you're a 'changed' person" She uses air quotations, "But Jimmy really has got fuck all to do with this, he is an obstacle."

"But he's a great guy"

"Who gives a shit if he's a great guy... plenty of people are great, but they still get shat on" I hate to say it, but she is actually talking sense, "So what are you gonna do about it?" I think for about a minute, it's been playing on my mind since I found out the two of them were together... I've just pushed it to the back of my mind, because I don't want to hurt him, and more importantly I don't want to hurt her...

"Tell him" Is my answer, "I need to tell him"

"You do that and you'll lose her"

"It's a risk I've got to take, he doesn't deserve this, obviously I won't tell him she's cheated on him with me... but he needs to know the rest"

"Wait... what?" Shit!!!!

"Uh"

"Emily, please tell me you didn't?"

"It wasn't all me" I shrug, pathetically, trying to reason with her...

"Fuck sake" She sighs, "Ok, you need to tell him then"

"What?"

"There is one thing I hate, and that is a cheater." Ohh... kinda making sense now.

"Please don't tell her I told you, Katie, please"

"I won't... Only because I understand why... now anyway" I frown, "I think she convinced herself that she no longer loved you... but it all makes sense now, when you came back she'd talk about you endlessly, and I thought it was because she hated you, she hated the situation and everything... but now I know that she loves you... in trying to convince me, she was actually trying to convince herself... you fucked her up. Bad"

"I know"

"Good, just making sure you do"

"Oh, I do"

"When you gonna tell him?"

"No time like the present" I get my phone out and she stops me,

"You're not telling him by phone, are you?"

"No, dickhead, He and Naomi had a fight... and I said I'd text him when it's safe to come back, so instead I'll text him and tell him to come here"

"Oh"

********

"Mum" She tears herself away from the telly and looks at me, "When my friend comes home... can you... I mean, I need to talk to him"

"I'll go upstairs" She smiles at me. "It'll be ok"

"I'm sorry" I say, curling up on the couch and she looks confused, "For leaving"

"The way I was... I don't blame you, I wish there was something I could do to make it up to you"

"You're already doing it" I smile. "You're back on your feet... I've got my mum back again"

"I should never have left"

"It's in the past... it doesn't matter anymore"

"I can't believe how grown up you've become" She says, smiling, her eyes shine in the dim light, "I'm so proud of you" Loud knocks on the door break us from our small heart to heart, but I know it's not over, "That's my cue" She smiles, grabbing her cup of tea and heading for the stairs, "I mean it... you know"

"I know" I say quietly as I follow her, approaching the door. When she's out of sight I open the door to a frantic Jimmy.

"What the hell is going on?" He says, and I feel instantly guilty... well more guilty,

"I haven't been completely honest with you... you better come in" He calms himself down and walks in, "You want a drink?" He shakes his head and I sit down on the table opposite the couch, while he sits on the couch, "I just want to say that I never meant for any of this to happen, I never thought in a million years that this could end up like this... but it had I need to tell you"

"Emily, you're scaring me" He says, sitting forward,

"I love you Jimmy, just remember that, ok?" He nods, "For you to understand what I'm talking about I need to start from the beginning, I never told you about this" He nods again. "Just over a year before I left here I met this girl. She was the most amazing girl I'd ever met, we had so much in common... it was just simply amazing. We started off as friends, and it grew and grew until we finally got together." He nods again, "But I messed it up. I got scared... I was in a pretty bad place just before I left, I was depressed, and I used to cut" I cough, clearing my throat, I'd never actually told anybody about this, "I was so scared of her finding out that this image she had of me wasn't true... add that to my mother's alcoholism, and you get a pretty good reason for doing the things I did. But what I did to her was inexcusable. I loved her with every single fibre of my being, but I knew that I'd screw it up eventually, that she'd fall out of love with me, I don't know, I just got scared. So I cheated on her..." He frowns, "I know, it was completely the wrong thing to do at the time... but this girl made it seem like that was my only option" I stop myself, "I'm not making excuses, it was entirely my own fault. But she caught me just after it happened..."

"Right" He says, urging me to get the point,

"I couldn't take anymore, I couldn't stand seeing her, knowing what I did to her, seeing her broken face, so I left. I went to stay with Sal... sorted myself out, met you... my life felt complete. Apart from one thing. This girl. I needed to come back here, to sort it out. It was never my intention to come back and try to get her back, the damage was already done, but I at least wanted her forgiveness, her understanding... just anything to help me move on, get closure, you know?"

"Emily... shitting myself right now... a point would be good at some stage"

"I'm getting there..." I say. "I don't know what I expected... I really don't. But this was never even an option." I swallow, my mouth getting dry, there is a ball in my throat and I'm completely and utterly shitting myself at this next part,

"Emily please... I've been scared all night, worried about Naomi, and then to get that text off you... I understand you've got something very important to tell me, but please just get it over and done with, this tension is killing me" He say, he's now nervous himself.

As I look into his eyes, I learn to accept that this may be the last civilised moment that I'll be able to look into his orbs, be able to feel some sort of comfort from him. No matter what Katie said about him coming after Naomi, I still care about this quivering man sat in front of me. I still care a fucking lot. So as the next two words fall out of my mouth, it's almost as if it's slow motion. The entire room goes silent, the television a complete echo in the background, his confused eyebrows no longer furrow in confusion, but raise with pure shock and astonishment.

"It's Naomi"


	14. Chapter 14

I hope I don't disappoint, but this isn't exactly what you were all expecting, but then again I'm not supposed to be predictable... the seed has been planted, lets see how it grows =D

Sorry for the delay and for leaving you all with a cliffhanger, I had every intention of updating the next day but I got a uh... little preoccupied lol. My apologies, there should be an update up until Wednesday then possibly not one until Saturday or Sunday.

*************

Chapter Fourteen

His shocked expression lightens as he laughs, "I'm sorry... I misheard you" I sigh... not only do I have to tell him, but I have to tell him twice,

"Naomi is the girl"

"What girl?" I sigh, but this time it's frustrated, "No... my Naomi?" He says, and I nod, waiting for the bollocking, waiting for the friendship to end, but instead he sits there dumbfounded, "Oh"

"It was causing problems, so I moved out, I'm gonna be staying here from now on" I say, nervous as he isn't really saying anything,

"Oh, ok then" Three minutes of deathly silence, and my stomach starts turning in knots,

"Say something" I say, and he laughs briefly again,

"What do you want me to say? The girl I'm in love with... turns out she used to be in love with my best friend, who is a girl... and I've never been told this..."

"I'm sorry"

"What do you have to be sorry for?" Now I frown,

"Well, I... she... we" I panic,

"No, no. That was before we even met... Yeah, you could have told me sooner... but this actually explains a lot"

"How so?"

"I mean... you two, you never really spoke, you never really got on... and I never understood why, I guess now I do" He sighs, "I just wish she'd have told me... even before you came back..."

"I'm a little confused" I sit up, my eyes looking up, almost searching my brain for an answer, but I can't find one, I can't find one small answer for his remarkable reaction,

"How so babes?" He sits forward, looking at me.

"This... you... I just told you something which I felt was gonna make me lose you... and you sit here... calling me babes still... I just don't get it"

"You honestly think I'd willingly throw our friendship away for a girl... a girl that you slept with, that you were in love with... before we even met? You really think I'm like that?" Now he gets angry, "I am not at all, what happened between the two of you is the past... I'm with her now, no grudges nothing, I'm just annoyed that she never told me about you, especially seeing as you said you were so in love" He coughs, "I did find it odd that she's best friends with your sister and you'd never met... but..."

"I'm so sorry" I say, and he smiles, leaning forward he grabs my hands,

"Look, there is nothing to be sorry for, it's not still going on is it?" I shake my head,

"No" I'm not exactly lying...

"Well then..." He smiles. "I just never knew she was into girls, is all" He says, sitting back again, his eye widening, and then a smile spreads across his face,

"You're picturing it aren't you?"

"Lil bit" I slap his knee,

"Look, listen to me now ok?" He snaps out of it, "Please be completely honest with me" He nods, "Will this..." I motion between us, "Be weird because of what I said... I know what's gone on, the dishonesty, everything, I'm just shocked at how you've taken it, very shocked" He smiles,

"I may be an arrogant prick sometimes Ems, but I love you, your my best friend, have been for a few years now... friends are far more important to me than any relationship, ok? I may act as though Naomi is my first priority sometimes, but she is not. I love her, don't get me wrong, but if she were to make me choose between you or her, it would be you every single time" I breathe a sigh of relief, "That is of course only if you don't sleep with her behind my back" He laughs, and I freeze, but quickly cover it up. I slap his knee, laughing along with him, "Is that what she's been bothered about?"

"I think so" I nod,

"I feel a little threatened now" he says, no joking behind, nothing, this is just him,

"Honestly, you don't need to... it's over, I promise you, she loves you" I say, a sad smile on my face that I cannot hide, and he notices it, his hand takes mine again,

"Ok, I've heard you out, now you listen to me... you're still in love with her aren't you?" My sad smile is still on my face as I look away, I feel my eyes mist up, but I stop them, "Aww, Ems" He leans forward, sitting on the edge of the couch he takes me in his arms, "Shhh" He shushes me as I silently release my tears, tears from today, tears from three years ago, tears that have been building up, dying for a proper release. I pull away, wiping my eyes,

"I won't come between you... that's why I left... you're happy, and I don't want to ruin that"

"You won't ruin that" He smiles, "If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. If it does, then I'll be worried about you a lot" I smile, and his hand lifts up, cupping my face, "Your my little lesbian, nothing is gonna change that, ok?" His thumb brushes across my face, wiping away the stray tear that falls down my cheek.

"What happens now?"

"Nothing" He nods, "She doesn't need to know that I know" I frown again, "I'm hoping she opens up, she tells me... if she doesn't, then I know she's not a keeper, don't I?"

"Are you sure this is... ok?" He laughs,

"Yes, god you're paranoid"

"I know, but it's kinda the unwritten rule aint it? Don't sleep with your best friend's exes..."

"To be completely fair, I didn't know she was your ex, so that is your fault" I have no words... No words. I'd even bought myself some vodka simply to drown my sorrows at losing my best friend, and he takes it like _this. _I literally do not know what to say. "I think it's best that you left to be fair..." He smiles, "If it were me in your situation I'd have left a long time ago... as soon as I found out"

"I know, it's hard, but it's my own fault, there is nothing I can do to rectify that... I'll be pleasant because of you" I smile, "Please, are you fucking with me?" He laughs again,

"Look, it is an awkward situation, but as you've said, you and Naomi are over... finished, so why should I get mad at you for your past? If it was still going on, then I would, but it's not. I trust you, so lets not make this awkward ok?"

"Ok, so long as your sure"

"Fuck sake... I'm sure" He says, getting a little irritated, I smile,

"Sorry... so are you really not going to mention anything to her?"

"Nope, it's not my place really, I'd be acting like the jealous boyfriend, and I'm not like that, you're her past, hopefully I'm her future, if she deems me fit she'll tell me"

"She might be scared" He frowns, "you've shocked the fucking shit outta me with the way you reacted, maybe she thinks how I thought" I frown, "If that makes sense"

"It does... but either way she's practically living with me, if she doesn't tell me cause of that, well, she doesn't really know me at all, it'll make or break our relationship really"

"Oh"

"Don't you say anything" He points at me smirking, "I mean it"

"I won't" I bite my lip, "I won't" I say quieter. He smiles,

"Thanks for telling me"

"Thanks for not hating me" I laugh nervously,

"I couldn't hate you if I tried" I really hope that's true. "I'm gonna take off, call me when you're free and we'll have a couple of drinks, ok?" I nod, standing up, he takes me into his tall frame, holding me tighter, "It'll be ok" I really hope that's true also. I watch as he leaves, and I hear my mum come down the stairs, she smiles sadly at me, and I almost break,

"He's a nice boy"

"You have no idea"

"It was good of him taking it like that... very mature" She sits down in her chair and smiles, "I could see you were nervous,"

"Nervous? I was absolutely cacking myself" I giggle, "I really am gobsmacked"

"Well don't sit and fester about it, it's sorted" I smile sadly, a new habit of mine,

"I may have told him about Naomi and myself, but he doesn't know half of it Mother" I sigh, "He doesn't know we slept together... we've kissed... while they've been together" She sighs, shaking her head, "I know, I know... but I can't help it... I love her mum, I love her so much" I feel my bottom lip quiver, but I bite it, suppressing the tears. Tears that won't solve anything.

"Maybe it's not meant to be"

"Maybe..." I sigh again, for the umpteenth time tonight, "I'm going to bed"

"Night" she smiles at me, I walk solemnly up the stairs, waiting for Katie to attack me asking for answers, but she's sat calmly on the bed, phone in one hand and an open book in the other. She looks at me and I instantly know something's wrong,

"What?" I ask, and she sighs,

"Naomi"

"What?" I panic, walking towards her,

"She's just rang me... she's in bits Em" My heart cracks, "What did you do to her?" It's not accusatory, it's softly spoken, almost as if she really is starting to understand this whole situation,

"She told me she loves me K, she told me she fucking loves me, and then chose him... so I left... she asked me to stay, but I said no, and then came here"

"She thinks you've left for good"

"Did you tell her I'm here?"

"No" I frown, "If it really is over between you two... isn't it better to think that you're far away rather than 10 minutes away? Isn't it better for her to give everything to Jimmy... than be torn? If she thinks you've left Ems... she'll stop holding on for once and hopefully for good"

"I don't think so" I shake my head, "It would be better but she's gonna see me... There's Jimmy and work"

"I thought you'd just told him"

"Yeah... he was fine" I laugh, still not believing, still waiting to wake from this dream,

"Fuck off"

"He did... he said I'm Naomi's past, he's her future, he can't hold anything against me because of my past... he's actually annoyed at Naomi for not telling him"

"Well holy Christ on a bike!" She laughs, "Did not see that coming"

"I know"

"Is he gonna confront her about it?"

"Nope" I shake my head, sitting at the foot of her bed, "He's gonna wait for her to tell him"

"She never will" She shuffles down the bed towards me, "She'll be too scared to lose him, she wouldn't dare"

"I know... that's why I'm gonna tell her to"

"What?"

"I'm gonna tell her to tell him about us... if she doesn't she'll lose him anyway, he's testing her K..."

"Shit" She says, realisation finally sinking in, the depth of this whole situation...

"You can say that again"

"Shit"

****************


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

It's been two days since my chat with Jimmy, two days without seeing her, ok, I've gone three years, but knowing what I know now has made those two days extremely difficult.

I wasn't prepared at all when she walked into my room. I was sat cross-legged on my bed, iPod in my ears, shuffle on, and a book that I've been reading for the past three hours sat resting on my lap.

I don't hear her through Snow Patrol belting through my ears, but I see her out the corner of my eye. My stomach twists and turns, almost being tied into a knot at the sheer surprise of her visit. My heart pounds endlessly, and as our eyes meet I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

If looks deceive me, it appears as though she's experiencing the same thing. I unplug Snow Patrol and stare into those beautiful blue orbs. She coughs awkwardly before saying, in a high pitched voice I might add, "What are you doing here?" I frown, glancing round, I look back up at her and try my hardest not to sound sarcastic, but it fails,

"It's my room" She almost cringes in a kind of way, she turns away briefly before looking back at me,

"But you... you left. You're gone" I can feel the pulse in my neck as I swallow loudly,

"No... as you can see I'm still in Bristol" I hold my hands out for emphasis, "Surprise" I smile awkwardly, trying to lighten the situation, but it doesn't work, instead is seems to piss her off,

"But you said you were leaving, there was nothing round here that could make you stay..."

"Do you want me to leave?" I ask, raising my eyebrows slightly, suddenly extremely nervous at her answer,

"Yes... I mean, no... I mean I don't think so"

"Well that clears that up"

"No, I don't want you to leave" She says, mustering some courage, "I just thought that you... had" and then losing it quickly,

"I'm staying for my mum... I'm not going to mess things up anymore... and plus Katie kicked my arse about my idea of leaving" She frowns, "She was right... leaving would solve nothing"

The bathroom door slams and out storms a fuming Katie, "I have looked all over that fucking bathroom, what have you done with my make-up?" Her towel almost slips off her as she angrily shouts at me, her left eye bulging slightly. She appears to be blinded by anger as she doesn't even notice Naomi stood right next to her until she calms down a little, "Oh" She pulls the towel tighter,

"I haven't touched your make-up, dick... have you looked downstairs where you had it oh, about an hour ago?"

"Erm yeah, I'll go do that now" She says, quickly exiting the room, probably not the best idea,

"PMT" I say to Naomi, and she nods her head slowly, "Think she's a bitch normally, wait til her menstrual cycle she turns in a fucking witch" This earns a slight chuckle out of Naomi, who nods,

"I know, like she's the only person to ever get that"

"Not only that but she drops like twenty points on her IQ, which to be fair wasn't that high to begin with" She's now laughing, well at least we have some common ground, that being my sister.

I'm having an inner battle with myself... do I tell her or do I leave it. There are a number of reasons as to why I should or shouldn't do it. One of them being that if I don't warn her, she'll lose Jimmy, but if that's the case then she'll be single.

Shocking, I know. Another reason; Tell her, and watch them have a hundred babies together and be Jimmy's best 'man' at his wedding...

I'll throw another in there shall I?

What if, out of those two, the one that scares me the most is telling her, and her hating me? Ignoring me, avoiding me, forgetting me... those I can handle. No longer loving me... well that's just something I couldn't bear. I may be being selfish, but even if we aren't together, just knowing that she feels the same way is somehow a warm relief, albeit a small relief, but a relief nonetheless.

Without meaning to be clichéd, and I will cringe as soon as I say this, but it sums up exactly what I'm trying to explain; It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.

"Emily?" I'm snapped out of my thoughts,

"Sorry" I shake my head,

"I'm gonna go..." She motions to the door, "Speak to Katie"

"Wait" I stop her, seems as though I've made my decision, "There's something I think you should know" She stops in the doorway, her inquisitive face turns around, she doesn't take long to decide as she walks back into the room, closing the door behind her. She leans back against it.

"Go on" She says, crossing her arms, failing to appear nonchalant, when it is quite obvious she is desperate to hear what I've got to say.

"Just... don't go mad" I say, cringing already, "I told Jimmy" Her face drops,

"Told him what?"

"About our past" Her face turns around, her teeth grind together and I prepare myself for a tongue lashing, this time I am most certain I am gonna get one,

"What the fuck Emily? I fucking told you not to tell him, you're a fucking idiot, you're just trying to make us split up aren't you? Fuck sake" She paces, her arms flicking every now and then,

"I didn't do it to break you up, Naomi" I say quietly, standing up,

"And I'm supposed to fucking believe you am I?" She walks towards me, her face mere inches away from mine, "When did you tell him?"

"The night I left"

"Not even a day after we fucked?" She says, raising her vice an octave higher, "I can't believe you"

"Just listen to me, please" I please, and she shakes her head, "Naomi, please" I look in her eyes, and she stops for a brief moment,

"Fine"

"I came here after I left, I spoke to Katie... he needed to know Naomi... if not for anything else but to explain the awkwardness that's been happening when we're all together." I sigh, "He deserves the truth about us"

"You didn't-"

"No." I at least give her some relief... "He doesn't know about what's happened recently"

"I bet he went mad... how come he hasn't mentioned anything? Kicked me out? Dumped me?"

"I'm getting there... actually. He was alright with it, more than alright" Her mouth falls open, "He was pissed off at you though"

"Me?" She says, incredulously, "Why me?"

"It's why I'm telling you this now... he's annoyed that you never told him, not particularly about me, but about our relationship, about you being with another girl... he was upset that you didn't confide in him"

"As far as I was concerned you were never coming back"

"I know that... but he doesn't... that's why I'm telling you this now... the reason he hasn't said anything about it... he's testing you"

"Testing me"

"Yes"

"How?"

"He's waiting to see if you'll open up to him about it... he's basically said that if you don't, he knows he can't trust you, and if you do open up... you're a keeper"

"Is this some kind of trick?" She asks,

"No, of course not" I defend quickly, "Naomi I wouldn't lie about this, I promise you" She studies me for a minute, before nodding,

"Why are you telling me this then?" She speaks softly, "I thought you'd have wanted us to finish"

"I just want you to be happy... If it's not with me, I can learn to deal with that..." She dips her head, looking to the floor. I keep my eyes on her, waiting to hear what she's gonna do,

"But what... what if I'd be happiest with you?" I just died, right there.

"W-what?" She looks up at me, her eyes shine,

"You heard me"

"Naomi..." I can't finish what I have to say, I can't, cause as soon as I say her name her lips collide with mine. I take a deep breath with pure shock, she pushes me back, my lower back collides with the radiator. The kiss is urgent, pent up frustration running away with us. But I feel my hands lift up, and instead of finding my usual place on her neck, I stop at her shoulders, pushing her away, "Naomi" I say softly, "I can't". She rests her forehead against mine, her breathing deep, heavy. I look at the contours of her beautiful face, her flawless skin, pale in complexion but a slight blush upon her cheeks, I never though it possible to love somebody as much as I love the girl quietly sobbing in front of me, but I do love her. So as her silent tears fall down those delicate blushing cheeks, my lips can't help brushing them away. My hands rest on her neck as I kiss the tears away. She opens her eyes and I can't help the smile that graces my lips as I lean in, this time the kiss not so urgent, but passionate, as always with her.

We're too engrossed in each other to hear the door open, but we do hear a loud bang followed by a loud curse, "Shit" It's Katie, grabbing her toe, we both turn around, our beating hearts now panicking, but Katie looks between the two of us, having obviously seen what happened, "I uh, sorry" She practically runs out of the room, leaving us nervous. Naomi turns back around to me, and I try to smile encouragingly at her, but I see her running. Her legs may not be moving yet, but she is definitely running from me, She looks into my eyes briefly, before looking away, completely abashed at this situation,

"Naomi" I say, softly, trying to get her attention, but she looks away, "Don't go"

"I have to" she says, "Jimmy will be wondering where I am" She backs away to the door before looking at me, "Sorry" She says, turning round she walks through the door, closing it behind her. I fall lazily onto my bed. I hate this! I hate this so much... I hear Katie shouting Naomi, and then I hear the door slam, and I can't help the tears that flow.

I know I did the right thing in staying, but right now I really wish I'd have left. My knees lift up, my arms wrapping around them, hugging myself as I let the tears fall. My heart cracking yet again, I really, really hate this.

The door opens, and I look up, seeing Katie, she's dressed now for some reason, but that's not important. "Please, just leave me alone, I don't want to argue"

"I'm not gonna argue" She walks over to me, sitting down beside me. She looks sad... she looks sympathetic, and it doesn't help my current state.

"I just don't know what to do anymore" I say, breaking down, and then possibly the most surprising thing of the day... Katie comforts me. She pushes my knees out of the way and envelops me in a hug.

I can't remember the last time I hugged my sister... and this again upsets me more. I grip onto her tighter. "It's gonna be ok" She says, rubbing my back, she shushes me, but it doesn't work.

This week just seems like one long tear fest. Everything getting on top of me, I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm trying to be strong, but all I want to do is run, I want to run away and get as far away from this place... but as Katie holds me tighter, her voice getting a little raspy, I realise that I can't leave my family again. As much as I need to get away, I need people around me too.

I need my sister...

***************


	16. Chapter 16

First off, may I apologise for the lateness of this update, it's just 2010 has been absolutely crazy so far, I've barely had time to fart let alone write anything =[ Although in my busyness I've still had chance to think of where this is going... and I've has some ideas for two new stories, which I will not write until this has finished...

The titles of them so far however are; Threesome... and then there's Masquerade lol.

Anyhows, back to this one... sorry again, but I hope you all like this... keep commenting, love you guys.

Oh and Happy New Year!!!!!

*********

Chapter Sixteen

"Cup of tea darling" I hear my mum say quietly, "It's 10am" She says, obviously wanting me to get up.

It is safe to say that I'm having one of those days. You know the ones, your hazy eyes look briefly into the morning light and you sigh heavily, debating with yourself whether or not to get out of bed, sit up slightly and realise that you had less energy now than you did the night before, almost having had a restless sleep.

It's not that I'm ill, it's simply the events of the previous few days. My head is all over the place, my heart doesn't know where to be and my conscience is definitely hitting an all time low.

I need some time to myself, I need some space from everything. But I realise that that is going be a harder challenge than anything. My phone rings under my head and I look to see who it is... Jimmy. "Hey" I sigh,

"Morning" He sounds chirpy, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing"

"Ok then" He doesn't believe me, but he doesn't really care at this precise moment in time, he is obviously ringing to tell me something, and I have a fair idea of what that might be, "She told me..."

"Did she?"

"Yup" I can see the smug smile on his face, and as much as I want to be happy for him, I am not.

"Good for you"

"What's up babes?"

"Nothing"

"Is that Emily?" I hear Naomi speak in the background,

"Yeah, she sounds like shit"

"She ill?" Naomi asks,

"Are you ill?" Jimmy reiterates,

"No"

"Hungover" Jimmy smiles, talking to the both of us,

"She doesn't get hangover's..."

"I don't get hangover's" We both say at exactly the same time. Eliciting silence on the other end; Awkward. "Yeah I'm gonna go"

"Hey, wait... I wanted to ask you something"

"Go on"

"I'm gonna cook dinner tonight... I was wondering if you wanted to come, you know, spend some time together"

"I don't know"

"I've already seen Charlie and invited her over"

"Jimmy!" I shout,

"What?"

"I haven't seen her for ages..."

"Perfect chance to catch up then" I sigh, "Is that a yes?"

"I'll think about it"

*************

Why do I even bother to pretend that I'm not going to go, or that there is even a possibility that I'm not going? Oh, I know why... Because I like to make myself think that I have no choice in these situations, when in actual fact I personally don't feel like I've put myself through enough heartache so going on a 'double date' as such will satisfy my need for more.

I'm such a tool.

My heart pounds as I ring the doorbell of my previous residence, I take a deep breath, shaking my hands a little, before anxiously pulling on my dress. They don't answer, they simply press the buzzer and I walk up to the flat.

The door is already open and the smell of dinner resonates around the room. I feel my stomach grumble just at the smell. I nervously peep my head round the doorway, looking for life, then I hear a loud bang from the kitchen and "Bollocks!" I rush in and I see Naomi practically pissing herself at Jimmy,

"What happened?" I ask, startling the both of them, as if they weren't expecting me. Jimmy quickly stands up, his hand thrusting under the tap as Naomi turns it on,

"I had a twat moment"

"Just the one?" I quip, and he gives me an evil,

"I forgot the oven was on, therefore picked the tray up with no gloves on, hey presto I have a swollen hand now" I now don't feel so much of a tool. I walk to the freezer, grabbing some peas out and I pull his hand away from the tap, I plonk the bag onto his now very red hand and I watch his satisfied face.

"Better?"

"Much"

"You're gonna need to keep it on it until the swelling goes down a little"

"But dinner..." He argues, and I see Naomi's hands rest on his waist, pushing him away,

"No... you sit, can't have anymore catastrophes to happen now can we" She pushes him back onto the couch,

"But"

"No, I'll help with dinner, ok... you... chill"

"Ok, ok, ok" He shrugs, turning round he switches the telly on. Awkward. I look to Naomi who is looking at everything but me.

"What are we having?" I ask, and she finally looks at me, looking bashful she answers in a quiet voice,

"Lasagne"

"Smells good" I smile, she kind of half smiles back,

"Shit" We both look to Jimmy who is now looking at the both of us, "I forgot the wine"

"Oh, it doesn't matter" Naomi flippantly waves her hand,

"No, you can't have a sophisticated meal without wine"

"You want me to-" I offer, pointing to the door,

"No, no... I'll go, you need to be here when Charlie comes"

"I'll go" Naomi says quickly,

"You're the chef now" He pauses, looking awkwardly between us, awkward moments are now drastically piling up, "I'll go" With that he's grabbing his coat and running out the door. Leaving Naomi and myself in a very... ahem... awkward atmosphere.

"I'm only gonna say this once... ok" I start, and she suddenly stops chopping the vegetables up... and my mind is thrown back to the last time we were preparing a meal, I'm hoping this goes down much better, "Nothing is going to happen between us again. Nothing" I pause, but she doesn't say anything, "I can't do it anymore... I can't do it to him, he's my best friend" I start, "You make me feel like shit for cheating on you, but what we're doing, what we've done... you're no better than me. We're equal, you've made your choice, there is no going back" I don't raise my voice, I don't accuse and I don't argue, I am simply speaking as it comes... and truth be told, I mean it this time.

"Emily..." she starts, struggling with her words, her thoughts, "I..." She sighs, "I'm..." She sighs again, "I'm l-"

"Hello?" Now her sigh is an annoyed one, I walk out of the kitchen and see Charlie stood nervously in the hallway,

"Hey" I smile, widely, genuinely, shocking even myself slightly. I walk up to her, hugging her and kissing he cheek. I feel her eyes burn into the back of my head, but I push that aside, "How you been?" I ask, her eyes light up,

"Good... and you?"

"I've been better, but hey" I smile, "I'm sorry I didn't get in touch"

"We're here now... it's no worries" She waves her hand. Out of the corner of my eye I see Naomi approach, she holds her hand out, a fake smile plastered on her face,

"Naomi" She says, "I'm sorry about our... frosty meeting before" She laughs nervously, "Bit of a bad day" She glances to me,

"Don't worry about it" Charlie says, grabbing Naomi's hand and shaking it gently, accepting her apologies,

"Good" Naomi says, "I hope you like lasagne" She says, walking off toward the kitchen, glancing behind,

"Love it" Charlie says smiling, before looking at me as if to say 'what the fuck'. I nod, and she laughs. I nod toward the living room and offer her a seat,

"I'm just gonna get the table ready, do you want a drink or anything?"

"What you got?" She asks, making herself comfy,

"Well, Jimmy's gone to the shop to get some wine, but..." I look to Naomi shrugging,

"We've some beer" Naomi says, looking up from chopping her vegetables,

"Sounds good, thanks" I grab her a bottle, taking the lid off I pass her it. She thanks me again before I start to make the table. I grab the dressings for the table and start to make it, grabbing the cutlery and the glasses putting them to one side while I put the table cloth over the stylish glass table. "Need a hand?" I hear Charlie behind me and I turn to the voice and see her approaching Naomi,

"No, it's ok, you're a guest" Naomi says, that smile still on her face, she's simply tolerating Charlie, this much is obvious. I can tell who's idea it was to invite her.

"I feel guilty not doing anything" Charlie laughs,

"If you're sure"

"I'm sure" I smile, simply at the fact that Charlie is making the effort.

"There's some potatoes that need peeling if you're willing"

"I'm on it" Naomi points to it all, telling her where everything is. I finish with the table just as Jimmy walks in.

"I got a few bottles and some cream for my hand" He says, walking in, not noticing Charlie here yet, "It's fucking killing" I cough, and he looks at me oddly, before looking to Naomi and finally spotting Charlie, "Oh" He smiles, he walks over to Charlie, greeting her he engulfs her in a hug, kissing her cheek and thanking her for coming. He really is a gent. "She's got you bloody working? Slave driver this one" He says, earning a prompt

"Fuck off, she offered" From Naomi,

"I did, I have to side with Naomi on this one I'm afraid" She smiles sweetly,

"Buttering her up I see" Jimmy continues to rib her, but Naomi isn't giving in this time.

"I have to be nice, she's feeding me" I chuckle,

"leave the poor girl alone Jim" He holds his hands up, and I cringe, "Fuck... come here" I say. He does as he's told walking over to me. I grab his hand seeing a rather large blister on his palm, "That needs popping" I point out, and he swiftly pulls his hand away, "Don't be a baby"

"If you had a blister the size of a fucking cat on your hand and I offered to pop it, you'd do the same"

"Uh, that blister is more the size of a £2 coin, and no... I'd have popped it myself"

"If it is meant to pop, then it will pop on its own accord"

"Baby"

"I am no such thing"

"God they're like a married couple" I hear Charlie say, laughing to herself,

"Tell me about it" Naomi rolls her eyes,

"I resent that" Jimmy says, pointing at Charlie, "She's my lesbian twin sister, get it right"

"He just likes to say lesbian" I say to Charlie,

"No I don't" He pouts, "You're just angry cause I've got a new lesbian to be friends with"

"There he goes again" I giggle,

"Is there something wrong with saying lesbian? It kinda rolls off the tongue a bit, don't it"

"Yeah it kinda does, and a rolling tongue is definitely a must have in terms of lesbianism" I chime back,

"Oh stop, you'll make me blush" He puts on his legendary camp voice, to which all of us fall about laughing.

"Ok, ok... can we stop the lesbian talk now?" Naomi says, seemingly getting agitated,

"Nothing wrong with a bit of lettuce licking" Jimmy says, smiling, knowing he's going to evoke a reaction out of Naomi, I cringe, "Although saying that, some people prefer rug munching... even muff diving is quite popular I'm told" He says in his gay voice still,

"Jimmy" She warns,

"I'm just saying that we are indeed in the company of two very fine lipstick lesbians" Charlie and I look to each other, both of us waiting to burst out laughing, and when I look to Jimmy I lose it. My laugh erupting throughout the deadly silent flat. Pretty soon after Charlie follows, as does Jimmy.

When the laughter dies down he approaches Naomi, who is looking rather annoyed, "We're just playing my dear" He says, putting his arm around her shoulder, she smiles, nodding.

"I know" He kisses her forehead,

"Got everything covered?"

"Yeah" She nods, throwing the freshly chopped vegetables into the pan. She is so not happy.

*******************


	17. Chapter 17

As I've been so so cruel in the no updating stakes recently I couldn't leave tonight without one, however I am exhausted, my hectic life has finally caught up with me, so this one is very short. I'll catch up on much needed sleep and there will be another one tomorrow, usual length. I promise.

I'm sorry about this one... the length and the quality, I am so so tired. =[

Thank you very much for the comments, I don't say it enough, but you guys really do make my day!

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Chapter Seventeen

"So what are you interested in then, Charlie?" Jimmy asks as we are all tucking into a rather delicious lasagne.

"The usual things really... films, music... music is my passion really though"

"Oh really?" He continues,

"Yeah, I've played the guitar since I was about twelve, I know acoustic and electric, I find there isn't anything you can't express through an acoustic guitar, and well... it's just my passion"

"Any favourite bands?" I ask,

"Oh, you cannot ask me that" She laughs, "That's too hard"

"List a few" Jimmy smiles,

"Uh..." She takes a sip of her drink, "Deep purple, Led Zep, Beatles, Foo Fighters, Hendrix" She takes another sip, "Just to name a few"

"Woah" Jimmy says, "Did not expect those bands to come out. You don't look like you like those"

"Looks can be deceiving" She winks, and I giggle,

"Yes James, you should never judge a book by their cover"

"What? You can't possibly blame me, every single person on the planet does it"

"No they don't" Naomi argues,

"Ok... answer me this; if you were alone, walking home late one night and there is a large group of teenagers, specifically chavs, what would you think?" Naomi nods her head from side to side, weighing up her options,

"Ok, ok..."

"Exactly" Jimmy says smugly,

"But they are chavs..." She says as if it explains itself, "They are always in trouble"

"No" I argue, "I wouldn't say that all chavs are trouble makers, no, definitely not, a minority of them are, a small minority, which we get plastered all over the pages of the newspaper. Biased newspapers at that as well. Yes, some are bastards, but does that give us the right to say that all are? No, it does not, so in that retrospect, you are wrong"

"Ok, ok..." Jimmy senses the seething look from Naomi, and I sense it has nothing to do with my previous statement, "Lets change the subject shall we?"

"How about politicians?" Charlie says, earning a chuckle from the table, besides from Naomi of course,

"Let's not" I say, taking a bite of my meal. I look up and see a rather pissed off Naomi tucking into her meal,

"This is delicious" Charlie attempts to cheer her up, a brief smile and a quick 'thanks' is all she receives, I roll my eyes while Jimmy simply shrugs.

The rest of the dinner is pretty much spent in awkward conversation. Forced conversation. The type where you are simply speaking to avoid the silence.

Thank god for the music that Jimmy put on before the meal, otherwise it would have been unbearable.

Naomi hasn't said a word since Charlie complimented her, and Jimmy seems to be a little annoyed also. We are all finished and Naomi stands up taking the plates away. I stand up and help, grabbing Charlie's and my own plate. I take it to the sink and rest it on the side, "I'll do it" I say, trying to earn a little peace, "You cooked, it's the least I could do" She doesn't say anything again, but as she walks away I grab her wrist, pulling her back swiftly, "I'm sorry, ok?"

"What ever" She shakes her head, "I'm just going to the bathroom" she announces to Jimmy and Charlie who are currently deep in conversation. After a quick nod from Jimmy she leaves, her head hanging low a little, shit. I walk over to Jimmy, tapping him on the shoulder I point to the kitchen, he makes his excuses to Charlie and walks over,

"What's up?"

"She's real mad at me" I say, my eyes pointing to the bathroom, "You mind if I have a quick word with her?"

"Yeah sure, hopefully you'll be able to get her head out her arse" I giggle,

"Will you entertain Charlie for me?"

"Sure thing babes"

"I'll only be a minute"

"No worries" He smiles as he's walking off. He says something to Charlie which makes her giggle. I walk to the bathroom, tapping on the door,

"Uh, I'll be out in a minute" I can tell she's upset, and I feel a slight pang of guilt slice through my stomach. I don't say anything, if I do she wouldn't come out. I'm only stood here for about half a minute when I hear the lock on the other side of the door, it opening slightly, as soon as she's opened it halfway I push her back inside, gently of course. She doesn't say anything, if anything she's shocked, but quietly shocked. "What do you want?" She says. I leave the door open behind me,

"I really am sorry about dinner" I say, and she takes a step back,

"Why?" I frown, "Embarrassing me in front of you girlfriend seems like a nice new game for you" Now I close the door.

"Naomi" I say softly,

"Don't."

"What I said earlier... it doesn't mean-" I clear my throat, anxious about the words that are going to follow, "It doesn't mean that we can't be friends" Her eyes snap up to mine and I gulp,

"Friends?" She laughs bitterly, "We can never be friends, Emily"

"For Jimmy?" I say quietly,

"I'll be civil"

"It doesn't have to be this way"

"You're right... it doesn't" Her voice no longer bitter, no longer seething... "What I was saying earlier..." She says quietly, "I meant what I said" I frown, she shakes her head, "I'd be happiest with you... You are all I think about, dream about... I can't stop, I've tried. Even after you left the first time you were never far away... that's got to count for something, right?" My heart keeps rising up, rising up, "Before she came... I was gonna tell you... tell you... I'm leaving him"

"What?"

"I can't do it anymore"

"Naomi... this" I point between us, "Can't happen"

"But you-"

"I know what's happened and what I've said before... but earlier, I meant what I said too"

"But-"

"I can't do it to Jimmy... I just can't, he doesn't deserve any of this"

"I know he doesn't"

"So this can neve-"

"I got it" She says, getting a little angry. Then followed by a laugh, a bitter, shrill laugh, "It's funny, huh? We're in this mess cause you broke my heart three years ago... then you came back, put all those little pieces back together again, made me want to trust you again... and then shatter it once more. This coming from someone who doesn't want to hurt me"

"I don't want to hurt you" I almost choke on her words,

"Then why are you?" She tilts her head, her unshed tears glistening in her eyes. She lifts her hand up, her fingers slowly and diligently brush my cheek. I can't stop my eyes falling shut, basking in this sensation, "When you so clearly want what I want?"

"I-"

"Tell me you don't want it" She demands, "Tell me and I'll never speak of this again"

"I- I can't"

"Right. After tonight... I'm leaving him" She says, walking out of the bathroom.

***************


	18. Chapter 18

Right, we're up to the prologue now, I really hope I don't disappoint, I really need to stop writing prologues, I've struggled with this chapter, a lot. I hope its ok.

Thanks for the comments

***********

Chapter Eighteen

The last two hours went by in a blur. Since the bathroom incident with Naomi it's been... odd.

I haven't been able to stop replaying that scene over and over in my mind, trying to convince myself that it's not what I want, trying to force myself towards Charlie, and although she is... agreeable, I just can't get past Naomi.

She's been so cold toward Jimmy since she left the bathroom, it would take an idiot not to notice, Jimmy obviously has, but suggested we go to this club anyway, maybe to try and cheer her up. It hasn't worked.

Although Charlie isn't really helping matters.

I don't want to hurt her feelings, so when she grinds sexily against me while we dance I act as though I like it, while ignoring the death glare that Naomi throws her, and my, way. Jimmy is plying us all with alcohol, and I am completely wasted. "I really like you" Charlie slurs in my ear, I blink heavily, she pulls away, seeing the smile on my face, the smile that says I'm rather uncomfortable, but she sees a completely different smile.

She slowly leans in, licking her lips slightly. I panic... I have a quick glance to Naomi as our lips collide, and she storms off. My hands lift up and gently push Charlie off me. She looks confused, "I have to be completely honest with you..." I start, "You're a great girl, you really are, but..."

"There's someone else?" I nod,

"I'm so sorry" She pauses, looking to the floor,

"I thought there was... never mind, eh?" She shrugs, and then kisses me on the cheek, "See you around, Emily" She smiles before walking off.

Ok, that went well. Now for the next one. God I hate this.

I see Jimmy looking completely befuddled with himself. His hands slightly in the air, his head looking around the room. I'm about to talk to him, ask him where Naomi went when, "What's going on?"

"Katie, where the hell did you come from?"

"I've been here all night, now that's outta the way, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb with me, I'm better at it" I roll my eyes,

"Naomi's gonna finish with Jimmy"

"Good" I frown at her,

"Katie" I chastise her,

"What?" She shrugs, "Poor guy is getting cheated on and doesn't even know it" I look at her, finally realising something,

"He should know really... shouldn't he?"

"No, Emily, don't be a fucking idiot"

"Look, Katie... he's my best friend, and if I lose him, I lose him, I can't keep this in anymore, I can't keep this from him, he's gonna have some idea anyway, I'll only be confirming it"

"That's a bad idea" She grabs my arm as I'm about to walk off,

"What the fuck do you know? You've never been in a serious relationship in your life" She takes a step back, her mouth wide open while I cringe, she shakes her head at me before turning and walking away, "Katie, wait... I'm sorry, I didn't mean that" With one brash wave of the hand from her I know she hates me at this precise moment in time, but that momentary guilt is subsided as Jimmy approaches me. Fuck sake.

"What did you say to Naomi earlier?" He's drunk, and angry. Double fuck sake.

"Why?"

"She's barely spoken to me since she went into the fucking bathroom, now she won't even look at me, what's going on Emily?"

"I didn't mean for this to happen" I say, my stomach dropping at the look on his face.

"I fucking knew it" He says, his face drains of colour, before turning completely red, "Am I right? You're fucking her?" I look down and he shouts at me, "Emily!" He makes my body jump,

"Yes" I shout back, "Only the one time though"

"Oh that makes me feel so much better" He says, anger still coursing through his veins, "After all that shit you fed me... I can't believe you, you're supposed to be my best friend" Now he walks away from me. But this time I follow, this time I chase, not caring who I knock over I'm going to stop him walk away completely.

He makes it to the hallway, he was on his way to the toilets, but I stop him, "Jimmy please, just listen to me" He shakes my hand off his arm violently before turning around and shouting once more,

"Don't you fucking dare tell me what to do, I owe you nothing now" I feel the tears bubble up the surface, my eyes sting from the sheer weight of them, but it's about to get a hell of a lot worse,

"Jimmy?" Naomi walks out the toilets, and I cringe straight away,

"I expected more from you" He says to Naomi, "I expected a hell of a lot more, she fucking did it to you, so you know exactly how I'm feeling..." He says, breaking down, but he takes a breath, gaining some strength back. Naomi looks at me, her facing dropping with shock, "Why?"

"Jimmy, I'm so sorry" Naomi walks up to him, her hands attempting to cup his face, but he turns away,

"I'm done" He says, shaking his hand dismissively, he walks away as Naomi stands and watches him,

"You fucking bitch" Her hand lifts up, slapping my face, my cheek instantly stinging with pain and rejection, "You just couldn't keep it to yourself could you?" My hand lifts up, cupping my now extremely tender cheek,

"He deserved to know, and you were gonna break up with him anyway" I yell back,

"Exactly, _I_ was gonna break up with him"

"What difference does it make anyway?"

"He didn't need to know, that's the fucking difference, it would have been a lot easier if he didn't know, a hell of a lot easier, I would hate for him to go through what I went through"

"Maybe sleeping with me wasn't such a good idea then, was it?" I can't stop that from coming out of my mouth,

"I hope you and Charlie are really happy together" For the fourth time today I watch somebody walk away from me, and I can do nothing about it.

So I stand here in the hallway, people who were just witnessing our drama now walk away, satisfied with their show, but I stand here scared, alone and confused. Where did it all go wrong?

My heart is almost pounding out of my chest, my mind running through that all over again, as if once wasn't bad enough. I walk into the toilets, looking at my cheek in the mirror. My fingertips brush gently over the red mark, and I wince. She sure has a good slap on her. A toilet flushes behind me and Charlie walks out, "Emily?" She walks up to me, noticing the tears on my cheeks and the slow forming bruise on my cheek, "What happened?" I look at her,

"What needed to" She frowns, "it's a long story"

"I'm not due anywhere anytime soon" She smiles.

"I don't really wanna talk about it then" I smile sadly at her, and she rubs my shoulder reassuringly,

"Long story short?" I nod,

"Long story short; Naomi is my ex from three years ago... very much in love... I cheated, left town for a while, met Jimmy, then moved back, found that they were together, fell in love with her all over again, messed it up" She doesn't say anything, she just looks at me, letting it all sink in, her mouth slightly ajar,

"Fuck, you're like an episode of Eastenders" She giggles, "Sorry" I laugh,

"That's just the short version" I smile half heartedly,

"Hey" She says softly, "Just cause it didn't work out between us, doesn't mean we can't be friends" She smiles, "If you ever need somebody to talk to, I'm only a text away"

"Thanks"

"By the way, do you have a twin? Cause I think I scared the shit out of her earlier" She laughs,

"What did you do?"

"Pinched her arse, jokingly of course" I laugh,

"You didn't?"

"Unfortunately I did" She sighs, "Her face was a picture though"

"When was that?"

"About five minutes ago" I laugh again,

"I'm sorry I missed that"

"I'm sorry I didn't" She laughs, "Hey, I got you smiling, that can't be too bad"

"No, it's not, but I've got a lot of things to sort out"

"Starting with who?"

"Katie, she's easier" Charlie frowns, "Oh, my twin"

"Ohhh... I'll leave you to it then chick" She smiles widely, "Give me a text sometime, hope everything works out, and if it does let me know" She gives me a hug,

"Thanks, again"

"No worries" She says as she walks off. I inspect my cheek once more, the redness has gone down slightly, but it still hurts. I sigh, walking out of the toilets.

Why does most my problems either start or finish in a bathroom/toilet?

I walk into the main part of the club, looking for Katie, and I see her at the bar with Naomi. "Fuck" I walk up to them, not really knowing why when I could easily escape unscathed this time.

I'm tired of running. I'm tired of being a coward.

I tap Katie on the shoulder, she turns around and smiles sadly, Naomi is looking at the bottom of her empty glass so she doesn't notice as Katie slips out and I slip in next to her. "Naomi" I say softly, and she snaps her head up, she looks for Katie and sees her walking away,

"Leave me alone Emily" Is her simple reply,

"I'm really sorry"

"No, you're not" Her fingertips glide round the rim of the glass as she speaks, her eyes never leaving the bar top.

"You still don't get it do you? I can say as many times as I like to you that I don't want anything to happen between us, but deep down, that is all I want" I sigh, "I'm sorry that we're in this situation, I'm sorry Jimmy got hurt, I'm sorry for ever hurting you, if I'd have just grown some fucking balls, grown up and simply realised what I had with you the first time round, we wouldn't be here now"

"Why did you tell him?"

"Naomi, Jimmy is not stupid, he would have known. He had an idea anyway... he brought it up with me, he asked me, I couldn't keep lying to him"

"You didn't think about me... I don't want him to hate me"

"It'll get better with time, these things do" Now she looks up at me, her tear stained eyes staring right into mine. Her hand lifts up, her fingers stretch, touching my cheek, touching her handy work,

"I'm sorry for hitting you"

"You don't need to apologise" I shake my head, her fingers still delicately tracing round my injury,

"No, I do, I shouldn't have done that"

"The way I've treated you in the past, it's the least I deserved" She looks intently into my eyes, a small smile playing on her lips, but almost as soon as it appears its gone, her hand is gone from my now cold cheek.

"Charlie will be wondering where you are" She turns back to her drink, her fingertips resuming their previous place on top of her glass,

"Nothing happened with me and Charlie" Her fingers stop briefly, before carrying on again,

"But I saw you kissing"

"She kissed me... and I stopped her. Told her there's somebody else" She looks at me, before looking away quickly, "What happens now?"

There is a good minute or so of silence, "I need some time" She says,

"Ok" Even I can hear the disappointment in my voice,

"I just need some time to think, sort myself out..." She sighs, "I don't want to jump out of one relationship and straight into another"

"Ok, can I ask you something?" She looks up and nods, "This is nothing to do with a relationship... but... would you go on a date with me?"

*************


	19. Chapter 19

Penultimate chapter!!!

Sorry about not updating the last couple of days, been busy again! This is the second to last chapter... and the last one should *fingers crossed* be up tomorrow night! I will try my best.

Thank you so much for your comments, and I hope you read my new stories when I start them. You're all great!

P.S. Mez... I will definitely be thinking about the boarding school scenario! Possibly my next story if I deem it good enough.

************

Chapter Nineteen

She looks at me like I've just told her possibly the most unbelievable thing in the world. "Are you serious?" Her head dips slightly,

"Yeah"

"Why?" I frown,

"You just said you're not ready... you need some time, right?" She nods, "I bet that has something to do with the past" She nods again, "Well, why don't we go on a date and start afresh. Start from scratch, no expectations, nothing"

"I don't know"

"What have you got to lose?" I raise my eyebrow at her, and she debates in her mind whether or not to do it,

"Ok" She says, "I'll go on a date with you" I can't hide the bright smile that shines on my face after she says that, and a smile also graces her lips as she looks at me,

"Good, great" I smile wider.

********

The date is tonight, and I've already figured out what we're going to be doing on it. Hopefully I'll make her see that I do love her, and I'll wait for her.

In the meantime though, I feel like I should talk to Jimmy. I feel I need to, I kind of need his permission.

I drive to his place, his car is in the drive and I cross my fingers, hoping he's in, and as I step to the front door, I'm about the press his buzzer, when a neighbour opens the door and holds it for me. At least this way if he's in he has no choice but to answer the door. The walk up the stairs is definitely a nervous one. I get to the door, hearing COD I know he's in.

I knock three times and wait patiently. The door opens slightly and he looks straight at me. "Go away" He closes the door, but I'm quick to knock again.

"Jimmy, please" I say, "We need to talk"

"I have nothing to say to you"

"Please, let me explain" I wait patiently, hoping, praying that he opens the door, although scared at the same time, I have no idea what I'm gonna say to him, no idea what so ever.

He does open the door, he opens it slightly and then walks off. I walk in, closing it behind me, the sudden silent room is deafened by COD being blasted out of the TV. I sit down on the chair as he sits on the couch, leaning forward, his vision never leaving the game. But I grab the remote and turn it off, much to his dislike.

"I was playing that"

"We need to talk" I say quietly,

"Go on then"

"I'm so sorry" I say, and he stands up,

"Yeah, me too" He walks to the fridge, opening it he grabs a beer, pulling the cap off with his fingers her throws it against the side. Taking a swig of the beer he then looks at me,

"I never meant for any of this to happen you have to understand"

"You sound just like her" I frown, "Yeah, she's been round today also... trying to beg for forgiveness, telling me how sorry she is, how she never meant for it to happen" She mimics her, "Why don't you tell me something I haven't already heard"

"I love you" He frowns, but it shuts him up, "You have to understand though, as much as I love you, I love her more" He nods sadly, "I did honestly never intend for it to happen, but I couldn't stop myself either. I tried, but it just got harder and harder and I just... needed her"

"So you forgot about me?"

"In a way, yes" He looks shocked, "You deserve the truth, I'm not gonna sugar coat it" He nods, "It first happened after my date with Charlie. But I guess I knew before that that she still had feelings for me." He laughs,

"What happened?"

"I'd said bye to Charlie, and Naomi was very rude to her, so I went to her, asked why she was rude, and we argued a little, then we ended up kissing. We stopped though and she went to bed, then you walked in"

"That's why you were so upset" He says, walking closer, taking a sip of his beer, I nod to his statement,

"Go on"

"I tried to stop myself, I tried... but I couldn't, what I feel for her, it's just too strong"

"When did it go from kissing to more?" He asks, needing to know everything,

"About a week later, after your fight... the day I told you about us" He shakes his head,

"You're a calculating bitch" He doesn't raise his voice, but the venom in it shows me he means it,

"It wasn't like that"

"I bet... couldn't wait til I left, made sure to tell me not to come back until _you _said so, so very clever"

"I told you not to come back until I text you because I didn't want you to overhear our conversation, Jimmy, it wasn't a sordid thing... I knew we'd be talking about me and her, the past, and she didn't want you to know about that so I was protecting the both of you" He doesn't say anything, "She said she loved you, and she chose you... she did choose you" He looks at me, his eyes glistening,

"What changed?"

"I said I'd leave, let you two get back to normal, you'd never be normal with me hanging around, but she didn't want me to go, saying I was running away again, and she was right"

"Then..."

"It hit me, it just hit me, I forgot you, and I kissed her" I bow my head, ashamed at how this sounds, "She kissed me back, and then it went further"

"So how many times have you fucked her behind my back then?"

"Just that time, I promise you... because after, she chose you again, saying she could learn to love you like she loved me... I left, went to my mums, then called you a couple of hours later, the rest you know" He sits down on the couch, leaning forward, cradling his beer in his hands, he looks at me,

"You love her?" I look at him, and I can't help the small smile,

"Very much"

"Ok... I give you my blessing" He takes a deep breath, and I frown, "I know about your date" he says with slight bitterness, "Look, I said I'd never put her before you... and I didn't, I just should've known, and I should have done the right thing when you told me how you felt... I should have stepped aside, and then maybe I wouldn't have felt like this"

"What?" I say, disbelief written all over my face,

"It's really easy to be a prick, it's really easy to hate you, to hate her, but the hard thing is that I'm no prick, I don't hate you and I don't hate her... I can sit here and give you a hard time, but it's not going to change anything, it's not going to turn back time and stop you cheating on her in the first place, completely wiping me out of the equation now is it?" I shake my head, "I respect you for telling me, I respect you for being honest, but I don't think things will be the same with us, not for a very long time."

"I understand that" I bow my head, "But I hope that someday you will find it in you to forgive me, to forgive her, because we do love you, despite our funny way of showing it... you're my best friend, and I know I sound like a broken record, but I really honestly didn't mean for any of this to happen"

"I know you didn't... but you can't fight true love can you, somebody will always get trampled on in the process, just so happens it's me in this scenario" He smiles sadly, taking another sip of his beer,

"There is a girl out there just for you, I know it, when you find her, she will be a very lucky girl."

"I hope so"

"She will, I know it. I'll leave you... I really am sorry, I hope we can get back to how we used to be"

"Me too" he smiles sadly. I stand up and walk to the door. Closing it behind me I release the tears I've been holding in while I've been there.

***********

The shower water is red, having just dyed my hair again. I keep thinking of ideas for tonight, this can't just be your bog standard date, I need to pull something outta the bag here...

"What you got planned then?" Katie asks as I walk back into the bedroom. I sit on the bed and cross my legs,

"I'm not saying, it's a secret"

"She doesn't like fancy places" She warns me, and I giggle,

"I'm well aware of what she does and doesn't like Katie"

"I know, I'm just reminding you"

"Thanks" I giggle. I unwrap the towel on my head and start to dry my hair with it,

"Don't hurt her again" She says sincerely, "Em?"

"I heard, and I won't"

"So Jimmy was alright?"

"Well, he wasn't 'alright', but it went a hell of a lot better than I expected... I don't think we'll be friends for a long time"

"You might be, he's a good guy" She smiles,

"Katie?" She looks at me, "You like him don't you?"

"No..." She says, flicking through her magazine again, I laugh,

"You so do" She picks up a cushion and throws it at me,

"I do not"

"You'd be cute together, you know" I tease,

"I'm not listening to you"

We're silent for about an hour. She's reading her magazine and I'm doing my hair and make-up, I've got two hours before I'm picking her up, so I'm taking my time.

"Nervous?" She asks, and I nod, "If you tell me where you're taking her then I'll tell you if she'll like it..."

"Nice try... I'm not telling you where I'm taking her, all I'm gonna say is hopefully she'll remember the good parts of how we used to be"

"That sounds boring"

"Oh fuck off, will you?" she giggles,

"Nope, 'fraid not"

****

I walk out of the bathroom, having examined myself about a thousand times, my make-up perfect, my hair perfect, my outfit... so-so. "Katie, do I look ok?" I say, walking into the bedroom, she puts her magazine down and looks at me. I've curled my hair, and having dyed it earlier it's very, very red. My make-up is subtle, my smoky eyes making the brown stand out. I've gone for a simply charcoal dress with leggings, my grey boots and a leather jacket.

"You look nice" She smiles widely. Now I know I made the right choice because she wasn't sarcastic at all,

"Really?" I glance in the mirror,

"Yup" She smiles again, "Shitting yourself yet?"

"Oh yes"

"Well you've already shagged, so you can't really be that nervous" I laugh, "What? I'm nervous on dates cause I don't know if it's gonna end up in bed or not"

"You? Nervous?"

"What, I do have emotions sometimes"

"Shocking"

"I know, right" She giggles, "Listen, you look great, I'm sure Naomi looks great, you've been in this territory before, you'll be fine, you don't need to be nervous"

"Nerves are good though"

"Yeah I guess" I glance at the clock, it's quarter to seven,

"I better go"

"Ok, let me know if you're coming home or not" She winks at me, and I laugh,

"Ok, wish me luck"

"Good luck" I walk out the room and down the stairs, my mum looks at me,

"Oh, you look gorgeous" She comes up to me, hugging me, "I hope it all goes well" She smiles,

"Me too" I walk to the door, waving to my mum, I close the door behind me and mumble to myself, "Me too"

******************


	20. Chapter 20

Ok, the final chapter... if you didn't read Disintegration, I apologise because this chapter has bits taken from that... but it's kinda self explanatory!

Thank you so much for the comments, the reviews and the support, I hope you all liked this and I look forward to writing some new stories! There won't be a sequel to this I'm afraid.

It's a lot fluffy, and I can't for the life of me write fluff, so my apologies if its shit!

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Chapter Twenty

My fingers curl into a fist as I gently knock on her front door. I take a deep breath, quickly brushing myself down. The door opens and Gina's stood smiling at me, "Emily" She says before pulling me in for a hug, "It's been too long"

"Hey" I say awkwardly as she squeezes me, "How ya bin" I pull away and smile widely, I have missed her.

"I've been good, good, and you?"

"The usual" She nods, "Is Naom-"

"Oh, yes, she's just upstairs, come in, come in, I'll shout her" She pulls me in and closes the door, "Honey, Ems here" She shouts,

"I'm coming" Naomi says as I hear her bedroom door shut. I can literally feel my heart in my throat as I gradually start to see her on the stairs. I see her feet first, her rather high heels poke out at the top of the stairs. As she walks down I see more and more of her. She's wearing cropped leggings, she steps down another step and I see a bright blue patterned dress, a beautiful dress. The further she walks down I see a small cardigan which covers her shoulders and as she gets to the bottom of the stairs I finally see her fully. I can't hide the smile on my face as I tell her how beautiful she looks, "Thanks" She blushes slightly, her bright, bright blue eyes now timid as she looks to the floor, "You too"

"Thanks"

"Awww" Gina interrupts this moment, much to our amusement, she coos and as we look at her she's got her hands to her mouth and is kinda bouncing excitedly, "I'm so glad to see you two together again"

"We're not" Naomi says quietly,

"Well, you know what I mean" She waves her hands dismissively at the two of us, and we both giggle, "Go on, get going" She smiles widely at us, and I head to the door. Naomi leans in and kisses Gina on the cheek, a move that surprises me a little, I open the door and wait outside,

"I'll see you soon Gina" I smile, and she grins,

"Come round for a cuppa whenever you want love" She smiles, and I nod, "You girls have fun" We both say bye and start walking to our first destination,

"So where are we going?"

"It's a surprise" I smile, and she frowns, "I know you don't like surprises"

"So tell me then" She giggles,

"Nope" I smile,

"God you're frustrating" She says, in a jokey manner though,

"I know"

"Can you at least give me a clue?"

"Nope" She growls. We walk quietly for about a minute before she laughs, "What?"

"Why did you ask me on a date?"

"Because I wanted to" I nudge her with my shoulder,

"I think we're way past the whole 'date' thing"

"I know... but I wanted to show you something... People tend to forget the good moments and focus on the bad... I just wanted to help you remember"

"I don't need reminding" She says softly, I smile at her. She smiles back, "So can you tell me now where we're going?" I laugh, "Come on, my feet are killing me" She laughs,

"Not far, just up the road actually"

"Thank god for that" We stop outside our destination and I point to a poster hanging on the wall, Naomi frowns and then laughs, "Are you joking?" I shake my head, smiling,

"Nope, I'm not sure about you, but I've seen this film about four times since the first time I saw it with you, and I think about you every single time, I can still picture how smug you were when you saw that I was crying, it always makes me smile"

"We're gonna watch Ghost?" I nod, and she nods her head, understanding what I meant earlier, "Come on then" She grabs my arm and pulls me into the cinema, I pay, buying us some popcorn and a drink and we sit at the back. "How is this even on, it's an old film?" She says, getting comfy,

"It's 'Weepy Night'" I giggle, "As soon as I saw it in the paper earlier I had to bring you"

"Oh," She says, excitedly, "What else is on?"

"I am not staying to watching Beaches, I'm sorry but I refuse, I cried too damn hard the last time I watched that" She giggles,

"Awww, pwease" She puts on a lisp, but I stand my ground,

"No, anywhere we've got somewhere else to go after this"

"Oh, have we?" She gets excited again,

"Yup" The lights start to dim and we both make ourselves comfortable. There aren't that many people in here, but I prefer it that way, I don't like cinema's to be too crowded.

***

Patrick Swayze just saved Demi Moore's life, and both Naomi and I are crying our eyes out. I reach into my bag, having prepared myself for this, I grab a packet of tissues, handing one to Naomi and using one for myself. "Ditto" Naomi starts to sob fully now, and I can't help but giggle, my eyes watering even more.

The film finishes shortly after and the lights come on, I continue to wipe my eyes. Naomi sniffs, "Well it's the first time I've cried on a date, I have to hand that to you" She giggles, "But all I have to say to that is..." She stands up and puts on a face, acting all dramatic, "Ditto" I giggle,

"What are you talking about?"

"What you said... about this film reminding you of me... it reminds me of you, also" I glance at my phone,

"Shit, we gotta go" I say, realising the time, and she looks startled, "We're gonna miss the next bit" I grab her hand and pull her with me until we're out of the cinema. I let go, zipping up my coat as it's got a bit chilly now. We start walking to the next destination,

"You've really thought about this date?" She asks, a slight smile in her voice,

"I just want you to forget the bad..." I say, not looking at her, feeling a little self-conscience of myself, but that all disappears as I feel her fingertips on my hand. She entwines our fingers and as I look at her she smiles,

"You do know that I'd have been just as happy at a grubby pub with you... you didn't need to do all this"

"I know I didn't, but I wanted to... and I'm glad you just said that" I smile widely, gripping onto her hand tighter, she frowns, but doesn't question it.

We're quiet as we walk, but it's not an uncomfortable silence. "Just so you know..." I look at her, "I'll never really forget the bad" I'm starting to realise that what I did is no known as 'the bad', "But I don't hold it against you"

"Why?"

"You're not the same person you were anymore"

"That's a good thing" I smile,

"Yeah, it definitely is" I stop, realising that we're at our next stop, and she looks at me funny, then she realises where we are, "I know this one" She smiles.

It's the same DJ as it was last time at our local, and the place looks exactly the same as it did the last time, the only difference is there is no Anna and it's just us. We make it just in time for last orders, we order our drinks, and as the DJ announces its last orders at the bar and therefore the final song we sit our drinks down on the table and take to the dance floor. A slow song comes on, I take Naomi by the hand, her hands lift and rest on my shoulders while my hands move to her hips, our bodies move slowly to the beat.

"The day you made a memory for me" Naomi smiles, and I grin,

"Although it was a little different" She frowns, "If I remember rightly... I said something along the lines of 'when you marry your gorgeous future husband and you have your first dance, you'll think of me and how I taught you to dance'"

"Yeah, something like that" She says sadly,

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"The first time round, this was when you first got with Anna..." I smile, and she looks at me like I've lost the plot, "What?"

"This... here... however long ago it was... was the first time I realised I had feelings for you."

"What... but-"

"I told you, and myself, that we were dancing to make Anna jealous, so I could win that stupid bet... but when we did start dancing it changed, I forgot all about Anna, and as I looked into your beautiful blue eyes, I felt something, something strong."

"I never knew that"

"I know" I smile. The song gets more passionate and Naomi pulls me closer. Her body pressing into mine. God I've missed this... We dance like this for about a minute before she pulls away, she's serious now as she looks deeply into my eyes,

"You'll never know how much I've missed this... missed you..." She says, "Just being able to be like... this" She laughs a little, "It means the world to me"

"Me too" She leans in and kisses me ever so softly on the lips.

"That's the end of tonight I'm afraid guys, I hope you all had a great night" The DJ announces. Making us jump slightly. People start to finish their drinks and move on, Naomi and I sit at a table and start drinking.

"You fart in your sleep by the way" I laugh as we start to talk about nothing in particular, just memories.

"I do not" She says, blushing slightly, which only makes me laugh more.

"Oh, you so do, you actually woke me up once" Her head falls into her hands with embarrassment and I just laugh louder and harder,

"Shut up" She says quietly,

"Hey Ems, are you two about done?"

"Oh, hey Keith" I smile, "I was wondering..."

"Oh aye" He says, grinning,

"Can we have a lock in?" He rolls his eyes,

"What, just you two?" I nod, "But I'm fucked" He says, halfway through yawning,

"Well... I'll lock up... serve our own drinks and pay for them... come on Keith" I whine, and he just shakes his head,

"Mmmm" He thinks, "Go on then" I jump a little in my seat, "Post the keys when your done and keep the noise down"

"Will do, you're a pal"

"Hmm" He smiles before walking off upstairs,

"We could have gone somewhere else" Naomi says,

"I know, but we can talk without interruptions here" She smiles.

****

A few drinks later and we're talking more freely. Gone are the pressures and the expectations and in place is simple comfort. I go behind the bar, pouring us another drink, Naomi drinking Jack Daniels and coke and me drinking Vodka and lemonade. "Suits you" She smiles, sitting on the stool, leaning against the bar,

"What does?"

"Being a barmaid" She giggles,

"Why thank you" I take a bow and she giggles,

"Honestly... why did you come back, you had a life up there, friends, family, you didn't need to come back"

"I didn't have you" I say simply and she raises her eyebrow. "I know what I did, I know the time we spent apart, and I convinced myself that I only came back for forgiveness, for closure, but deep down I knew I wanted more"

"And now?"

"Still want more... I understand that you need time" I say as I walk back around the bar, sitting on the stool next to her, "I do... I've waited three years, I'll wait another three if its what you want"

"You don't have to wait three years" She smiles,

"Good" My hand reaches over and takes hers. I lift it up to my lips, kissing it softly, her eyes close as she savours the moment.

"How do you know it will work?" She asks,

"I don't. But after all this time... I feel more for you now than I ever have. That has to mean something" She leans her head to the side, nodding slightly, her eyes close, "You're drunk" I smile,

"Not drunk, just tired" She says, her hand now resting upon her head, holding it up.

"Come on" I stand up, pulling her up, "Lets get you home"

"No, I want to stay"

"You want to sleep" She giggles,

"Yeah, I do, but I don't want this to end"

"It has to sometime" I smile, "Better now while your awake, any other way and I'd be carrying you home" I laugh, "I'm just gonna lock up, turn the lights out and everything, I'll be two secs"

"Ok" She smiles, walking to the door, I am a little longer than two seconds, but not much longer. I open the door, Naomi walks out and I lock it behind her, posting the keys. She shivers and I wrap my arm around her waist as we walk to her house.

Luckily its not too far to walk.

Her head lightly falls onto mine as we're walking. We're silent until we get to her house, I stop and she looks a little disappointed, "Oh... we're here" I smile,

"Fraid so"

"I had a good night" She smiles at me as she walks to the door, I follow. She walks up the porch and stops just before reaching the door, she turns around, her eyes serious, her face straight, she looks deeply at me, "I really do love you" She says, before looking away, "Just... don't hurt me again" I bite my lip, I walk towards her, closing the gap between us, my lips brush against her soft pair, she moans slightly into the chaste kiss, I pull away our foreheads resting against one another's,

"Never, never again" I say softly, and she smiles, kissing me again. My hand lifts up, cupping her face. I deepen the kiss, but it's not urgent, it's a simple, loving kiss. The best type.

"You wanna stay?" She says, and I raise my eyebrow, "Perv, I didn't mean like that" She giggles,

"Ok" I say, she opens the door, turning on the lights. I take my shoes off, as does she. We walk quietly up to her room, a room I haven't been in for three years, and to be completely honest with you, it hasn't changed much. She takes her dress and leggings off. I do the same.

We climb into her welcoming bed, both of us staring up at the ceiling. Her breathing steadies, and I know she's falling asleep. Yet as soon as I think that she turns over, her arm snakes over my stomach and her head rests against mine, "Night Emily" She sighs, and I smile slightly,

"Night Naomi" I lean and kiss her forehead, she leans into the touch. Her arm wrapping tighter around my stomach, almost as if she wants to stop me going anywhere, but she needn't worry. "I love you too" I say, my arm resting on hers as the tiredness finally overcomes me.

We may not be back together as such, but this, right now, this is everything I need, and more. Naomi, asleep in my arms.

For the first time in three years, it finally feels like everything is falling into place, and I have a feeling... it's for good this time.

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I'll be starting my new story in the next couple of days... so keep an eye out for it please =] thanks for reading.


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